Mother diagnosed with terminal cancer and I don't know where to turn.

[Jonathan]

My mother is my all.  I sort of deified her for saving my sister and myself from an abusive father.  I reluctantly agreed with my sister to not cry or "to keep it positive" around my mother.  I cry at night, behind any locked doors, bathrooms when the shower is running, etc. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it.  I confided in my best friend (a fixer) and her "solutions" just upset me and I shutdown.  I do go to therapy but I feel if I was really honest about how I am feeling it might worry people.  I'm torn between being there for my mom and falling apart.  I just needed to write that. thanx for listening. 

j

[Tony69]

Hi Mate,

i feel your pain, as my wife of 20 years has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Trying to stay positive for her, our two teenage sons and our respective families. However, knowing the truth I’m filled with fear, for the first time in my life, for the future.  I feel your no real support as my friends all tell me to

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@Jonathan wrote:

My mother is my all.  I sort of deified her for saving my sister and myself from an abusive father.  I reluctantly agreed with my sister to not cry or "to keep it positive" around my mother.  I cry at night, behind any locked doors, bathrooms when the shower is running, etc. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it.  I confided in my best friend (a fixer) and her "solutions" just upset me and I shutdown.  I do go to therapy but I feel if I was really honest about how I am feeling it might worry people.  I'm torn between being there for my mom and falling apart.  I just needed to write that. thanx for listening. 

j

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be strong for her, but what about me? I’m holding down a 50 hr job, hsc study for my eldest and caring for my wife and no one seems to care about the emotional roller coaster I’m on.  The level of despair that I feel at the moment made  worse by people asking me ‘how do I feel?’ Or ‘are you OK?’ And when I reply bad or no they respond by saying ‘you’re doing a good job’ what a heap of bull. Just feel really alone at the moment so I get your pain.

[CR69]

My sister and I have made a similar pact and try not to cry or lose it around mum. Like you, our mother is our everything and given this is a recent diagnosis we are in shock and disbelief.  Please don’t cry alone.  Cry with mum, cry with friends and cry with loved ones.  Being strong is easer said than done.  

[JessLobey]

My family did something that's kind of ended up being similar, but it wasn't intended to. My Gran is the center of our family and it shook our world to find out she has terminal brain cancer. But my family has opted to be very open with all medical information and to do as much as possible to spend time together with her and make joyful memories that we will cherish later. Behind that, though, we each have one or two family members plus partner/friends that we go to as our outlets to talk to and try to understand our feelings. I think it's important to find at least one family member who you can agree to be completely honest with, which goes both ways, of course. I picked my aunt, who is caring for my Gran primarily, and her daughter, my cousin. Maybe if you find at least one person you can feel honest with, that will help you work through your turmoil.