My mother was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in my first year of high school which was pretty much a slap to the face. I have had to deal with many friends not understanding what I have been through, which limits the list of having people to talk to about it. I feel as though I cannot talk to mum about how I feel because to me it seems like I am putting the blame for my depression and stress on her, when I do not blame her at all. Last year I found out that mums cancer had spread and she then had four brain tumors. She got the surgery done but only got two of the four removed. Only recently I was vaguely told that her cancer had spread not only to her brain but liver and lungs as well and that her breast cancer has become secondary breast cancer. Trying to cope with mum's cancer and year 12, HSC, at the same time is extremely difficult I feel as though I am being pulled in two seperate directions. At times I wish I could be alone and just cry but then I feel bad at spending those moments crying by myself when I could be with mum. I feel flustered in these moments. I just dont know what to do and understand why. Can I even ask why?
wow...what a thing to face when you are so young.
Cancer is scary. With it comes an unknown future...this is huge what you are going through.
I don't think there are easy answers or solutions.
but getting good support for yourself is essential.
Having a counselor or someone like that you feel safe with might help you process some of the big feelings you have.
I'm much older than you and recently lost my dad to cancer.
We had a marvelous year with him. I too found it so hard sometimes...wanting to curl up and cry but also not wanting to spend my time doing that when I could be with him. It's a fine balance.
I remember one day I came to visit when he was half way through his treatment and I said to him ' I feel really sad that this has happened to you, to us. But when I'm with you,I just want to enjoy being with you.'
This is such hard stuff, but opening the lines of communication and love can make the unbearable - bearable.
Be gentle to yourself...remember that you have a heavy load at the moment.
It's little wonder you're having conflicted emotions. High school and Year 12 should be time to focus on schooling and friends, not feeling upset and scared about your mum.
You shouldn't feel guilty about needing time to cry. I'm currently battling cancer, but my mum also had cancer 4 years ago and her diagnosis upset me almost more than my own because of the fear of the unknown. On top of this I have watched how my own kids have been anxious and upset about their mum having cancer.
This awful disease creates a lot of stress, and the reality is that people who haven't been affected directly rarely know the right thing to do or say (no matter what age they are).
I hope you're doing ok and finding some happiness in your life. Have you seen a counsellor to help cope with the emotions? I found talking to a professional helps me.
Thinking of you,
Thank you for your support it truly helps. I just recently lost my mother on Thursday. It is difficult to take in and everything has become oh so such harder but I will try and stay strong and pull through with the help of the many letters she has left behind for the many important birthdays to come and wedding days and first babies. I will attempt to seek help to help myself cope at this difficult time. Thank you.
Thank you for your support and kind words they have helped through the difficult time of my mothers deathlast thursday. I apologise to hear of the difficult time you are going through I don't know how you feel but I know the effects of the horrid disease and give all my support and wish and hope and faith that you survive this horrible disease.
Iam coping but most of i hope you are doing OK.
I will attempt in taking your advice and seeking support to help me through this all.
Thinking of you to Catherine.
I'm so sorry to hear your sad news :(
Be good to your self and may you be surrounded by others that also love you.
(I've really been missing my dad.
I was just having a sit down and cry just before reading your message..
I find i need to do that from time to time..sometimes everyday for a while then once and a while.)
May your love keep you strong.
Oh Kaelee, my heart aches to hear that you lost your mum so recently.
It must be bittersweet to know that your mum thought of the future milestones and left you letters. Weddings and births are the times that will be hardest. I hope you have a close relationship with other relatives, to share in future celebrations.
I hope you make your mum proud by achieving your dreams and finding love and happiness. In the meantime, stay strong and let out the emotions as they arrive. Life is sometimes unfair but I am a firm believer in 'what doesn't break us makes us stronger' (it just appears that some of us are destined to become stronger than others!)
Sending hugs your way,
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.