My dad may have esophagus cancer

[davincide123]

It's been a few days since my dad went to have a gastroscopy, where they've found a 6cm tumour in his esophagus. 

They've said its likely cancer, but we won't know for sure until the results of the biopsy on Wednesday. 

I've had on and off depression for a lot of my life, but am currently medicated so I felt that I could weather any storm that came my way.

But now that I'm facing the possibility of losing my dad, I feel myself beginning to break down.

I know that if this were to be the thing that takes my dad away from me, I could deal with the grief and the aftermath. I would grieve and I would be heartbroken, but I would be able to move on knowing that my dad knew that he was loved, and knowing that he loved us in return.

My family are of Latin American descent and culturally we have a very open view on death and really focus on the celebration of life and the inevitability of death.  Perhaps because of this, my dad since his gastroscopy, has told us that he's not afraid to go, that he has lived a full life with no regrets, and only fears seeing us miserable.

He may just be putting on a brave face for us, but I know that he's strong enough to face whatever happens. And so this gives me some hope that if anything were to happen, I would feel glad knowing that he lived a life he was happy with. 

What I fear the most, however, is seeing him become sick. I always had a picture of my dad as a strong, able person who would go out and do what was needed. The idea of seeing him sickly and suffering is more than I can bear.

A part of me almost feels guilt, feeling that the idea of him suffering hurts me more than the idea of him passing but it's the reality.

I don't know why I'm writing this to be honest, but I just needed to get the thoughts out there. 

Thanks for reading. 

[TheMariner]

Howdy,

Thanks for taking the time to post your story. I'm so sad to hear about your father.

Everyone will tell you it is natural to experience all the feelings you have at this time. I guarantee it is... my partner is fighting lung cancer right now and I am also on the same feelings rollercoaster. Also like you I have a history of depression and anxiety that I have meds to help with.

The first thing I can suggest is speak to your prescribing doctor. You may feel you can weather the storm as-is, but this situation will put you under more stress than you can picture now and you don't want to be playing catch-up with your meds.

The Cancer Council phone-in service where you can speak with a trained councillor was invaluable for me, and I recommend you give them a call to talk it all through.

Don't feel ashamed about not wanting to see your father suffer.. you wouldn't feel that way if you didn't love him and he would understand that. Don't worry... a parent doesn't want to subject their child to it either. You both have love for each other in common and understanding that will bring you both closer and give you both strength.

It is natural to think the worst at this time, but it is early days in the journey and far too early to give up hope. Oncology has come a long way and anything is possible.

As your father's cancer journey progresses you'll both be amazed at the inner strength each of you will find. There will be many things that will frighten you because you have no control over them, but keeping a hopeful, united front will also bring moments of peace.

Best Wishes.