My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer 3 weeks ago, I feel like my whole world is falling apart around me.

[Mrs.B]

My husband got diagnosed with bowel cancer 18months ago, they said they were doing a curative operation. After op they suggested 8 months of chemo just to play it safe, to mop up anything that might have been left behind. 2 months after chemo finishes, first pet scan shows cancer is back! They suggest another operation, to remove most of what's left of bowel, after op they say chemo is not necessary as there were good margins.. First pet scan 3 months after op, cancer is back in bowel and has now spread to pancreas, they are saying he is terminal and its inoperable...... They want to give him chemo to extend his life........I'm so so friggin angry. This is a.joke! I have lost my faith in the medical system, I feel like they don't have a clue on what cancer does or doesn't do. It's been 3 weeks since this last diagnosis and I feel very lonely. The first week I couldn't eat, sleep and thought I was losing my mind. I was looking through my eyes but I could not see anything. I felt like I was blind. The second week I decided to get the things done that needed to be done like organising centrelink payments as i have left my job to look after John. This week we are concentrating on healing John. We are doing everything in our power to make him 100% better. We are trying alternate medicines for the moment and ignoring the prognosis. They were wrong 18months ago when they said they were doing a curative operation and they have been wrong since the start so who's to say they're not wrong with this diagnosis. I'm sorry if I sound angry, I just really need to share this with other people that are going through the same thing as I feel that although I am blessed with a loving family who support me I feel that they can't possibly know what this feels like as they have not experienced this, I believe that unless you have experienced this directly then you couldn't possibly know the gut wrenching feeling you have every minute of every day. This cancer has become a terrorist in our lives. It has robbed us of our carefree personalities. I pray to the lord to give me strength and help me to release this anger and sadness that I constantly feel. Thank you so much for listening. God Bless you all xx

[little_stitcher]

Hi Mrs B, a lot of what you are saying is familiar to me (epsecially the middle paragraph). My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 incurable cancer in 2011, at age 39 (I was 35). I promise you're not going mad. And please don't apologise about feeling angry! It's a perfectly normal and healthy response to your situation. I've prayed that God will give you what you need to get through each day. Sending lots of hugs, Emily

[mark2709]

Hi Mrs B, I wish I had an answer for you. Like Emily said, your reactions are normal. You can only base how you feel on your own experience, and validation of that is really...automatic. It just is. My experiences with the disease, in family members and in my own case, have been on both sides of that fence. Each case is so individual. I would probably recommend counselling, in your own time. Be assured I will pray for you and your husband. Best wishes, Mark.

[Jen]

Hello Mrs B How are you and John doing? Have you found any complementary therapies or checking out second opinions? Trials? My partner has just finished treatment and it was with curative intent but because of his side effects and some glitches in treatment I worry about the state of the health system too! I'm very much worry about being in the position that you're in now! I have been told not to, and to take it as it comes, but I understand that we need to feel as though we're doing all we can to help our partners as carers and aim for the best possible outcome. I suffer from depression and anxiety which doesn't help. He was my carer and I am now his. I don't work and that has made things easier in caring for him. I don't know how people with children and work cope! My mind is on my partner and his care all the time. I think that some people are just incredible to be able to juggle life and this illness. I wonder whether you have spoken to the Cancer Council on their 13 number? As Mark has said, do you have a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist? This is an emotional roller coaster and I don't know what I would do without the health professionals in my life and certain meds for myself. It really helps to have someone to talk to and there a lot of issues that you need to deal with, juggle and prioritise. There are no guarantees with something like Cancer but I wonder too about being told about 'curative intent', percentages for survival etc. It seems very unfair, wrong and cruel to give false hopes to people. If you'd like to send me a PM to discuss these sorts of prognosis' I'd like to chat. I understand that you need to prioritise yours and John's health at the moment so no pressure. You are both in my thoughts and I wish you only the very best!

[kathe_bonann_ma]

Dear Mrs. B, The other posts and comments are so loving and supportive. But I want to add one suggestion: take one day at a time. That single piece of advice has been the basis for my coping with my own diagnosis of Stage IV lymphoma last year.I am my own caregiver without spouse or significant other. My two adult children begged me to do the RCHOP/Nordic protocol chemotherapy that I had to endure for 18 weeks. After chemo I fought four bouts of Cdiff colitis and was confined to bed in a diaper for six weeks. It seems like a bad dream at times especially since I am back at work [no choice since somebody has to pay the bills] and my family assumes that I am "cured." Having read the medical literature, I know there is nothing more that can be done for me beyond the monoclonal antibody maintenance. My general health has been good all my life so I can continue to walk every day. But I will be lucky to survive for another year or two.Strange to say, I have found this "death sentence" to be very liberating. It is possible to make choices about what to do with time and talent. It is easier to say "no." You and your husband must have many things in common that you enjoy--don't give up any of those activities. Make sure that you are both getting enough rest and nutritious food.If he is in physical pain do ask for something immediately. You are, I believe from my own experience, suffering from psychic pain--which can be just as bad as the physical kind. There are lots of treatments for discouragement: don't be fooled into thinking that antidepressants are a crutch.If it were insulin for diabetes you would not question needing to take it every day. Most important of all, keep praying. Sometimes it helps to pray for all the others on this site who are struggling with the disease or with caring for someone beloved and in distress. The Daily Word, from USA, has readings that are spiritual without being strictly denominational.I find support in it each day. You are in my thoughts and prayers.Take care of yourself too. With sincerest concern for what you are going through, KBM