HI - I have only just joined this site today. I know exactly how you are feeling, and the only advice I can give you is to give everything you can to your husband every day, and also to look after yourself. I lost my husband on 24 January to secondary head and neck cancer at age 43. We also have young children (the eldest was 6 four days after my husband passed and the other is 4). We did everything that we could the first time round - very invasive surgery and radiation, and thought we had it beat! He had palliative chemo this time when there were no other options. We were given a 7 - 10 month diagnosis, but unfortunately he contracted pneumonia, so time was very limited, and we had only a few weeks. I can only tell you that the second diagnosis was a shock, but also a very "romantic" time. We made time to tell each other what we loved about each other, and talked about our hopes and dreams. We had just under 9 years together, and tried to make plans for the next 50 years to give us hope. We went to sleep holding hands every night, even in hospital. I also understand your frustration. My husband would often whinge that he wanted to teach his boys how to shave (and teach them other things as well). We have the technology (video camera etc), but he never got around to filming anything, or writing them any notes, or expressing his feelings in any other way. At the time I found it incredibly frustrating, and now am very disappointed. He spent the best of his last weeks in front of the television, watching cooking shows on foxtel, mostly because he could no longer eat. (and I can't blame him at all for that). He was very sensitive to noise because of the cancer, which was particularly difficult for our boys, and they now remember him as being cranky all the time, and still apologize to me if they make the slightest sound. He also wanted me to sit beside him on the lounge day and night watching mindless tv with him. I didn't do it, and can't decide if it was the right or wrong decision not to. There are many things to do in a day when you are a wife AND mother. I am now (6 weeks later) just hitting the bad times. Everyone has been commenting on "how well I look" or "how well I'm doing", but this is the hardest part of the day. The time when the kids are asleep and there is no other distraction. I am happy that we made the time to discuss our future. It made so many things so much easier. I planned my husbands funeral according to his preferences, and know where he wants to rest. i know how much he really loved me. I had some time to prepare my children. I had some time to prepare myself. Take the time to be with your husband. Don't feel guilty about being angry or annoyed or any other emotion. You need to do the best for YOURSELF, and your husband, and your family. People keep reminding me (unsolicited of course) that I am the only thing holding this family together. It is a huge responsibility, and one that I didn't really want, but you will find the strength in yourself that I have also found. Enough of my rambling. I wish you a peaceful heart and a happy spirit!~ Karent
