New here and a little Overwhelmed

Occasional Contributor

New here and a little Overwhelmed

Hi I'm Elaine im new here ive been searching online for a while now trying to find a forum that may be able to help me. My mum was diagnosed with bladder cancer in November 2011. she also has a tumor in her Kidney as well and 2 small cancer nodules on her lung she has had her 3rd dose of chemo on the 29th and is dues to have another bi dose of chemo on the 12th. I having a hard time dealing with the fact that she has Cancer i live 2.5 hours away from my parents and with 3 kids 1 of which is adhd and is very loud its very difficult to go and help out and see them. My husband works away on the mines for 4 weeks at a time so i dont have him home all the time to help me. I was hoping while he was home to go and see her for xmas and new year plus its there anniversary on new years day but I got sick with the flu,hubbies work hadnt paid him right which left us short of money and had to budget. And now that im just bout over the flu i was planning on going to see my mum and dad in over a weeks time but now i cant cause hubbies work still hasnt sorted out his wages and some idiot decided it was a great idea to plough his push bike into my car at a t junction while i was stopped and did a fair amount of damage to my car so now i cant go see my parents until my car is sorted out with the insurance and fixed. Im at the end of my tether as nothing is going right i am feeling overwhelmed by all that is happening and all i want is to go to my mum and spend some time with her and see her right now she is in hospital with a severe kidney infection and she is in pain she isnt with it as she is on so much medication. All i want is to go see my mother and be with her and support her but everything is standing in my way and all i want to do is go cry my self to sleep constantly every night. I'm over it all. Sorry i didnt mean to spill all this out on my introduction i just needed it to get off my chest
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Occasional Contributor

Re: New here and a little Overwhelmed

Don't apologise. It's one of the things that this forum is for, getting things off your chest. A lot of us do it from time to time. But we are one big supportive bunch of people here. After all the things that have gone against you in the past days, I hope that something happens for the better and that you can get to see your mum very soon. Wishing you good luck for the coming days, Tim
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Occasional Contributor

Re: New here and a little Overwhelmed

Thank you tim Im hoping things get better i tried to speak to her on the phone yesterday but she isnt with it all i got was i love you and that was it. ITs so hard I normally talk to her nearly every second day and i havnt been able to speak to her for nearly a week not properly any way and im finding that im lost not being able to talk to her. she is in a lot of pain the doctors are waiting for the results to see if its the cancer thats doing it or the kidney infection that she has. And the fact that I snapped my cousins head off today cause all she seems to say is stay strong every time either me or my sister say something about how were feeling and telling us what needs to be done. I think everything is just getting to me and she just needs to back off. she is quick to say all this but not once has she gone to see my mother or father or to even offer a lending hand and they live closer than i do the only 2 people helping my parents out is my sister and i. My mothers own brother has even bothered to go and see her and it makes me sooo angry that none of them want to help or come and see her if they were sick my mother would be the first to put her hand up and help. about 20 years ago my cousin's ( the ones with the stay strong comment) Dies of cancer and my mum was there all the time helping her seeing her get weaker and weaker losing her hair to chemo and going throu shear hell and now its my mums turn there not there to help out.
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Super Contributor

Re: New here and a little Overwhelmed

You will find some people that you'd expect would help don't but sometimes others are the opposite. Are any of your mum's friends supporting her or your dad? Many of us have been disappointed in some family members with their total lack of interest and understanding . That;s why being here helps you realise you are not alone. Somehow negative things don't seem as bad when you know it's the same for others ,not always ,but sometimes. I trust things will be better for you soon and for your mum as well.
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Occasional Contributor

Re: New here and a little Overwhelmed

Hi silly thank you mum and dad don't really have a lot of friends that can help out most of them are elderly I'm just a bit.shocked at the fact that my cousin thinks she knows everything but yet she has seen her own mother die from cancer and she seen what my mum had done for her mother sometimes I just want to say to her about how my mum was there for your mother when she was I'll how about returning the help even if it's on a weekend or even just visit it might help her along a bit more knowing that it's not just her husband and daughters that care but someone else in the family does
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Contributor

Re: New here and a little Overwhelmed

Hi Elaine, It seems that everything that can go wrong will go wrong,just at a time in your live that you dont need it, it happened to me. I have never had a motor vehicle ax in my life, but sure enough, someone wrote my car off, and my lovely wife was in the middle of her battle with cancer, its like living in a nightmare that you cannot wake up from. All I can say is to hang in there, solve each problem as it comes up and do your best, all seems to be against you, but be strong, do not loose it. wombat4
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Occasional Contributor

Re: New here and a little Overwhelmed

Thanks wombat4 it is like im living in a nightmare and everything does seem to be happening all at once. Mum isn't good her kidneys has started to fail the doc says it could be days or even weeks. we took my 3 kids in to see her yestarday my oldest boy didnt handle it so well but my youngest who is 11 he seemed to be ok but he is always like that doesnt show a lot of emotion when it comes to it.my hubby and my daughter are watching the boys and my sisters 3 kids so my sister and i can go spend time with mum and dad at the hospital. I think we are losing her:(
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Super Contributor

Re: New here and a little Overwhelmed

So sorry .Spending time with her is important now.
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Contributor

Re: New here and a little Overwhelmed

Hi Epanting, I understand kidneys failing with cancer, my dad passed due to kidney failure from leukemia . Now is the time to be with your Mum, love her, massage her, cuddle her and speak of happy memories and laugh......create new memories, have a picnic in her room with the family....google internet to find out what special day it is in the world and recreate it in her room.....my mum bought a new dinner set and had Dad approve of it..before he passed..we still have it today. As for my Dad, it was a painless passing 16yrs ago and the doctors wanted to insert an IV which would have fasten his passing but Dad was defiant and didn't want any more needles.....he just wanted to be Dad....he passed peacefully with my Mum by his side. Julesx
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Occasional Contributor

Re: New here and a little Overwhelmed

Thank you everyone mum passed away on the 14th of january it was so aweful having to see her go through it all. before she was passing away she had lots of fluid on her lungs and you could here it we spent a week in the hospital every night and every day being by her side and the morning she went was the most horrible thing i had ever experienced,listening to her try and breath with the fluid in her lungs it sounded like she was drowning in her own fluid, then when it stopped and was silent i new she was going i went to her bed side woke my sleeping family up held her hand and as i was holding her hand her eyes opened up and stared straight at me as if she was saying goodbye then the look of fear washed over her face and then she started gasping for air is was so horrible and all i see right now is her face and the fear in it and her eyes the way she stared at me. we had her funeral on the 20th friday which was a beautiful service. but i just cant get past the look in her face when she left us and i dont think i ever will and the fact that she passed away in my arms im not sure if i will ever get over it. I have never had anyone die in my arms and i dont ever want to have that again. Hubby goes back to work monday as he does fly in fly out for 4 weeks on and 1 week off im not looking forward to being alone at all im not sleeping properly and when i do sleep i wake up seeing mums face im so exhausted and tired and all i seem to be doing is crying at the drop of a hat. im worried about dad he went home for the first time yesterday and the house is going to be so lonely for him with out mum there im not sure how he is going to cope.
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