Hi Patches,
Im so sorry you are facing these strange and unusual situations alone. I had a few days in hospital myself. I got home yesterday afternoon. Believe me, if the specialists thought they could send your husband home, they would.
Hospitals are a dangerous place to be, and should avoided if possible, given the Coronavirus. The clinicians wouldn’t jeopardise your health, as a visitor, if there were other options.
Abdominal drainage isn’t as traumatic as it sounds. I had to have it last year. It doesn’t hurt, and the relief is remarkable. I had 6 litres drained and believe it or not, my headaches disappeared. No idea about the connection, but they did. Most likely removing the anxiety. I just hope there can be a positive impact on your man.
When my wife passed away in 2016, she had had enough. Third time of relapse, she wasn’t mentally up to another fight. She refused intervention and died in my arms calmly and with no pain. We were together and the hospital staff were wonderful at managing her pain. I was with Maria the final 3 weeks of her life. The staff made me feel welcome & I think they understood our situation very well.
I think what ever you and your husband decide, the treating staff will do everything they can to make you both comfortable. Everything will be right on the day, as “they”say.
The next phase of this whole horrible situation, is you. Where to afterward? You need support. You need to unload all of those things you’ve experienced during this period. A family member, who you can talk to. Who understands? Possibly not. A close friend, who can be there when they are needed. Woman are better at making those type of friendships, then men. Still, sometimes it just isn’t appropriate.
Someone who is completely separated from your ordeal. Fresh eyes, non judgemental a good listening post. After all, you just need to unload, not necessarily get advice. These councillors are around. They can be found at the hospital, where you have been visiting for a long time. They are involved in church groups ( if your that way inclined), your GP can refer you to someone.
Finding a group of people, through Cancer Support websites, seems to be a great start. People who are empathetic and understanding, who won’t judge. These groups are mostly in the city, but are available in country areas too.
I hope you and your husband get through the next stage well. I hope whatever you both decide is healing for you. After all, you’ve been through the stages you have no control over. Being in the drivers seat now , gives you the power. I hope you get some extra help to keep you mentally strong.
I hope getting your thoughts, and concerns down on these screens lighten the load a little. This is just a small start, for you, to pick up the pieces, when they’re required.
Best of Luck....we’re here.
Lindsay
