Pancreatic Cancer help

[Jaquie]

HI Everyone,

I need some help.  My husband was diagnosed late March 2018 with pancreatic cancer stage 4 that has spread to his liver.

He is on chemotherapy but does not do well with it, he is sick for about 4 days after and just when his system starts to get better he has another lot.  So far we have had 1 scan that shows it is shrinking, but when he gets so sick he often wonders what is the point of it.  Especially when we are told that it will come back time and time again.  We have been given a possible time frame of 3 to 4 yrs maybe. The problem is that he is so depressed about it that he can't get past that fact.  He doesn't want to do anything and has even stopped working, just keeps saying whats the point theres no future.  I try and be positive but it can get really depressing.  I don't know how to deal with this anymore, am I being insensitive when I think that he has to go on for us? We have been together for 35yrs and I don't want to lose hope.  Does anyone know of a good counsellor that we can go to?  He has become so dependant on me that Iam starting to feel trapped.  I am seeking some help for us  as feel as it everything is falling apart.

[Coz]

Hi Jaquie

My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer in November 2017... you are not alone 🌻

His diagnosis has totally changed both our lives and it’s taken us a while to accept that this is how it is now and that things can change at any time. Counselling is offered by the Cancer Council, I believe either in person or by phone. There is often access to a psychologist in his chemo team so it might be useful asking at his next chemo session. It’s good that you are seeking help and I really hope it helps you both. It must be so hard trying to help your husband deal with his depression while trying to cope with your own emotions and concerns. Take care and keep in touch.

[Budgie]

Hi Jaquie,

It’s a horrible situation to be in. There are counsellors you can access through the Community Health Centre as well as through this Cancer Council website. 

The thing your husband needs to do is focus on the good in his days.  Each day he wakes up is a blessing as he has the time to spend with his family.  Yes, going through chemo is hard, & yes, he has a shortened lifespan, but he should try to find the good thing about each day, there’s usually at least one positive thing that happens in a day, & focus on that instead of how long he has left to live.   It’s not easy, but it’s a start to feeling better. 

You’re not being insensitive, you just don’t want to lose your husband. You need to be a bit selfish because you are going to need to look after yourself too. 

I know  it’s hard for your husband to be positive, & I understand how he feels.  Although my doc hasn’t given me a prognosis & I haven’t asked for one, at the moment, I would say I have about a year left of my life, unless a new treatment comes into play.   My chemo is a tablet I take every day until it stops working.  I’m on the last available one for me, but I have a lot to live for.   One of my daughters is getting married at the end of the year & I have another grandchild on the way which is due next year.  I have a positive attitude that helps me keep going. 

Anyway, I hope you both find a way to work through what lies ahead.   You have my best wishes. 

Budgie

[kj]

Hi Jaquie

It is very hard with a stage 4 diagnosis of pancreatic cancer,sometimes you are consumed by thoughts of death and frustration,it is made even harder when chemo is so debilitating,unfortunately depression comes with that  disease,your husband needs counseling ,and the right medication.I have had friends suffer from PC and each person had a different mindset ,Trying to stay positive is very very difficult, he needs to try and focus on living one day at a time,you are by his side helping look after his needs,but you must also try and look after yourself at the same time as stated before the cancer council has services that may be of help to you both don’t neglect yourself.Best wishes 

kj