Stage 4 Metastatic Cancer

[melaniemac]

Hi all,

I’m 22 years old and my mum was diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Cancer just before my 21st in 2015, she was diagnosed with breast cancer that has moved through to her bones. In 2015 she started radiation which made her really sick, we then had about 2 rounds of chemo which started to make a difference, she got better! Throughout 2015 my father was caught having an affair and up and left with a much younger person after 35+ years being with my mum to which he has been nothing short of difficult towards my mum, sister and myself. Unfortunately, my mum and dad are partners in a villa they brought in Bali (where he found his wife) and has been withholding all the profits of the money the villas has been making, my dad has been absolutely horrible throughout this whole process and it isn’t making anything any easier on the whole situation. With all this happening it seems to be so much pressure and stress on my poor mum when this isn’t something she should even be worrying about. We have spoken to lawyers and have taken little steps of action but then have dropped it due to mum’s medical health being more important. Every 3 weeks she has treatment which has been going great, mum looks healthier than ever and is happier than ive ever seen. Over Christmas 2016 she found a lump in her breast with an appointment with the hospital it has turned out her treatment has stopped working and her cancer has started growing again, tomorrow she has scans and test to figure out the next step to take. With all this happening I work a full-time job, and live with my mum – I have a sister who lives out of home with her partner and has been an absolute gem throughout the whole time of this horrible situation as she is very flexible with her working hours and can attend all appointments with my mum. But this has put so much stress on myself, I feel like I’m slipping through to cracks of not being able to attend all appointments like I should be, I feel like I’m letting work down by asking to have days off to be at appointments and some days I’m just a down right mess while at work to the point they send me home. I have had my HR manager try to get me to speak with a councillor but I don’t want to speak to someone who’s studied to listen not actually been through what I and my family have and are going through. It’s just a really sucky situation and it seems to just knock me down every time I feel like I’ve gotten up, after everything my mum, sister and I have been through over the past year I just feel like I haven’t caught a break and it’s really taking it’s toll.

[nello]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through that. My situation is slightly different - I was the patient but I can relate a little bit.

   Really sucks to be going through this as a young person. I was 25 when I was diagnosed and it really disrupted and affected the trajectory of all aspects of my life - career, income, independence... etc etc.

I agree that people who have 'been there' can support you on a whole different level to health care professionals. This forum is an excellent place to start! If you haven't already, I suggest you get in touch with CanTeen as well. They provide support for those aged 12-25 who are affected by cancer (either they have/had it themselves or their family member or friend). They have an online community and also do camps and things like that.

Best wishes 🙂

[Andyanndpat]

mum's survival is paramount and it would appear that she is taking steps to ensure this. Her first remission brought her joy and better health and your post shows you shared in her happiness. 

The extraneous relationship difficulties you all have experienced with your father have really hurt you  as it shows in the letter, and has added another anxious factor to your life. Events like this compound your anxiety levels.

i read of your desire to support your mum during her appointments and how this often conflicts with loyalty to your work place. That adds another frantic anxiety!

It will help if you can share the companionship with your mum  when appointment times arrive. Have you asked mum if she has other friends that can share the transport and appointment burden ? . A shared roster would take the pressure off you a little.

Dont  feel too negative about counsellor help . A highly trained counsellor can be a great aid to your emotional and mental wellbeing . I am a full time carer to my wife, very ill with ovarian cancer and counselling has given me  an audience that no friend could provide.

a good councellor will aid you no end to sort out your frustrations  fears  and disappointments and help you unravel your present franric condition.

The cancer council can help you find a very good counsellor and this WILL help you through this present trauma

hang in there.

andy.