Support for caregivers with loved one with cancer

[Traci-Renee]

Hi everyone,  I haven’t been on but I truly wanted you all to know, I am thinking of you all.  We are all hurting and I haven’t seen any posts from anyone.  So I am checking on all my friends and friends to be.  Stay strong, I am thinking of you all with lots of ❤️

[Iyana271]

Thanks for your post!

How are you doing?

It is really painful to cope up with the pain when you'll have to see your loved one dying from cancer.

I had this sad experience when my best friend died with bone cancer. I was in shock, he was only 24 years old single child of his parents. 

It was really hard for them to believe that their son is no more. He was in so much pain while getting treatment that he was not even able to lie down on his back and not able to eat anything, so I think it was better for him that he died.

It was even worse for us to see him in so much pain and not able to do anything about that.

[Traci-Renee]

Hi Lyana271,  I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend and of course his parents being their one and only child.  They must be so devasted beyond belief.  Honestly, with you coming on to this website, you must be hurting also.  So first let me say, I am so glad you did.  In order for you to heal, you need to accept the hurt of what you saw your friend go thru at such a young age.  So I am happy that you want to talk and share. I again am so sorry to you and his parents.  I don’t think anyone of us on here want our loved ones to suffer or hurt.  Of course out of our own greed and wants, we want them here as long as possible, but none us of us want them in pain or agony.  That alone is extremely sad.  I mean I thought I died when I heard my husband had cancer, never mind seeing my kids hearing their dad had cancer.  Life is so much different being a mom.  Because as much as it killed me to hear, IT KILLED ME MORE WATCHING AND SEEING MY KIDS FACES AND TEARS!!!  I love my husband and my kids and I have had three sick kids when they were young.  I have taken full care of them making sure they got their meds on time, surgeries, asthma treatments on time all three. Life threatening allergies, where I make 3 different things to eat bc of allergies To all nuts, eggs, seafood and other stuff.  I have worked my Ass of learning how to cook for my children and how to keep them safe.  I didn’t count on the school system to keep them safe.  I went there everyday at snack and lunch time to make sure my children were safe, yes I made them a lunch everyday.  But I wasn’t counting on the two aids who were talking about there weekend to watch over my kids at the allergy table.  These beautiful people, that I have made friends with on this site, are on here to talk about their grief.  We all understand we don’t have Cancer, but we are the next best thing to having it.  We are the caregivers, and our love ones weather they mean it or not, can be very mean and break our hearts.  So this website was so we could vent on with each other without judgment...it’s not about them living or passing away.  It’s just what we are going thru, and support each other.  It is incredibly hard as the one who takes care of them, every single day to be verbally and emotionally abused.  Did you take care of your friend daily?  Listen I think you have a good heart and soul and it probably hurt you very much losing your friend.  You seem like you were an amazing friend.  I hope you come back and share more, and talk and heal from the loss of your friend.  Your friend was very lucky to have such a friend.  Xo

[Traci-Renee]

lyana271, sorry but I forgot to say is, I hope you still visit with your friends parents, since the loss of your friend.  I know that would mean so very much to them...you seem amazing ❤️

[Iyana271]

I think you've gone through a lot of sufferings and you're really brave that you faced each situation like a fighter. I just wanted to how are you doing recently, and what about your husband? 

[Iyana271]

Definitely, I make sure to visit them at least once in 1 or 2 months. They have still not get over from the loss and cry often remembering his child. I feel really sorry for them even for me it is really hard to believe he is no more with us.

I hope they will be able to laugh again like before and will live their life normally. As it is really hard for me to see them in pain.

[Traci-Renee]

Hi lyana271,   Unfortunately, I don’t know how old you are.  But assuming you are young with no children of your own.  A parent should never have to bury their child.  A child Buries their parents.  Unfortunately that isn’t how it worked out for your best friends parents.  My heart breaks for them and you.   Life sometimes just doesn’t work out the way we plan.  It’s sad to say they might laugh again someday.  I don’t know how long ago it was that he passed.  But there is no time limit on grieving.  Everyone is different and needs to heal at their own pace.  You visiting them brings back memories, that in it self is a huge gift of yourself your giving to them.  You are so kind hearted and caring.  Keep your amazing traits.  Those are a gift, to your family and friends and all of us that you speak to.  ❤️

[Traci-Renee]

Lyana271,  Thank you for your kind words.  My husband had his surgery and is recovering slowly but surely.  He hasn’t been told how bad things are.  I think that’s why he keeps a positive attitude.  Well with others.  He is better with me, but not where I would like to be.  I would appreciate a hug a kiss and just wanting him to tell me he loves me.  But unfortunately that is not what I get.  I haven’t left his side thru this whole ride.  I’ve had some real bumps with him where I wanted to run.  But I’m here.  My kids look so sad and that breaks my heart.  I just turned 51 on 2-24.  My husband is 56...we are to young to be going thru all of this.  Granted cancer doesn’t care bc look at all of those beautiful babies that have had or passed away bc of cancer.  My heart breaks for everyone on here.  My husbands sister was diagnosed at 55 like my husband but she passed 9 days before her 56 th birthday.  My husband turned 56 on This past Halloween.  My husband and his sister were both diagnosed in the month of June. Her June 3rd and him June 18th.  I thought losing my dad at age 60 in 2007 was the hardest things I’ve ever been thru, but this takes the cake.  I have to worry about my kids first.  Thank you for asking me how I am doing.  I’m numb, lonely and scared.  I hope you stay in touch with me.  Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤️

[Iyana271]

It is really sad that you're going through all this pain and suffering with the loss of your loved ones. I hope your husband will recover soon, so don't give up and be by his side no matter what and create positive energy around him by your positive words & thoughts. Sometimes positively energy and positive words works very well, yes it is quite hard and painful fighting with cancer but I really really hope and actually I'm sure that your support and love can fight against cancer. I'll pray for you. 

For your children make sure to get screened earlier or on a regular basis if there are any chances of gene mutations. It can be helpful to avoid bad circumstances in future and you can be at ease. I  can understand that worrying about children can't be controlled as they are your part but at least you can be less worried by getting them checked on a regular basis.