The conversation that nobody wants to have.

[Mrs_Elton]

Get your 'affairs' in order. There is never going to be a 'good' time to talk about what is going to happen and what your wishes are, in the event of your death. It is something that is very confronting, extremely scary, often filed in the 'too hard' basket. I just can't deal with it stuff. Tell your friends, tell your family to sit down and have the conversation, talk about what you want in terms of funeral/organ donation, ensure your will is up to date and legal. Be sure to have an enduring power of attorney in place. No-one WANTS to think about all these practical things, but believe me, it is not something you want to be dealing with when your loved one is disappearing before your eyes. Get it all done when you are physically, mentally and emotionally capable. As soon as any of those changes, your going to have to deal with the 'practical' crap when you don't even have the energy to deal with emotional load. My husband refused to have the discussion with me and now it may be too late.

[Sailor]

Hi Mrs Elton That is really good advice and I am sorry that your husband hasn't yet had that conversation with you. When my mother was dying, it was before my cancer diagnosis, we were able to have that conversation. So we knew the readings she wanted, the music she wanted, so we knew that when we had the funeral, we were carrying out her wishes. It made it a lot easier. So several years ago, when I was going in for a fairly minor operation, it still involved a general anaesthetic, my wife asked me to write down what I wanted, I did and she did the same. They probably need a bit of updating as times change, but the core is there. Similarly after her father died we were able to discuss if we wanted to be buried/cremated and where that would be. So I can recommend it. Ditto wills and power of attorney. So I hope that conversation occurs for you - if not then try and spread the load a bit with the rest of the family. Best wishes Sailor For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one. Kahlil Gibran

[Mrs_Elton]

Thanks Sailor We had had the "I want to be cremated" discussion and the organ donor discussion years ago. My problem now is that without an enduring power of attorney signed by him when he is 'competent', I am currently in limbo, as he is currently not deemed competent to sign legal documents. That may change, but what if it doesn't? The current situation is hard enough emotionally without dealing with the practical and legal aspects. My understanding is that he can't even sign an authority to be medically assessed for disability payment with Centrelink. This is scary stuff.

[Sailor]

Hi Mrs Elton When you are next in at where your husband is being treated it might be an idea to ask to see a social worker and discuss this with them, or give the cancer helpline 13 11 20 a ring. I know in some states there are a number of lawyers who provide free advice to people affected by cancer and they can be accessed via the social workers and in some states through the cancer helpline 13 11 20. In situations like this a bit of professional advice.action can go a long way to making things easier for you. Just a thought. Regards Sailor Prevention is, as in other aspects of seamanship, better than cure. Sir Robin Knox-Johnston


[Jules2]

Hiya Jill, i do empathise with your situation. It must be very incredibly difficult to have to deal with all of this. These issues are something that i have spoken about with my mother, both from her viewpoint and mine. Hopefully, you can get something in place before its too late and sailor as alwways offers some sage advice. The cancer council are wonderful and am sure they would point you in the right direction if they cannot help you directly. Thinking of you. Julie

[Mrs_Elton]

Thanks Sailor and Julie, It was the social worker that told us to get him to sign it, which we did and then the oncologist told us that it wasn't ok for him to sign it. The social worker will be back at work tomorrow, so I will speak with her about it again then.

[Jules2]

Hiya Jill Just keep reaching out as you are and get as much help as you need to get through all of this. Thinking of you and hope that your good nights sleep has helped you a bit. hugsss Julie

[Mrs_Elton]

Thanks Julie, The sleep comes and goes, am taking a 'natural' pill to try and help with it. I have some appointments lined up for tomorrow, so Greg will be taken to treatment by patient transfer, (which actually makes things quicker as they take him straight through to the technician and bypass the waiting room!) Hopefully I will get some more info tomorrow which will ease some of my worries. Greg is thinking a bit clearer today, still has forgetfulness and still gets confused but not as much as earlier in the week. Fingers crossed! Off to bed now, good luck with the fine needle biopsy. Jill

[Merkel]

Hi Mrs Elton, I lost my husband to cancer last August. I had all necessary paper work in order. See a solicitor to organise all the necessary paper work you need, ready for your husband to sign & carry it with you. When he's able to discuss matters with you, have him sign the papers with medical staff as witnesses to his signature. As far as being an organ donor. I don't think cancer patience are accepted? Since losing my husband in August I haven't been on this site for a while. I would like to wish everyone a Merry & Safe Christmas. Merkel

[Jules2]

Hey Jill I hope you got a good nights sleep, not always easy to do i know. It is great to read that Greg is able to think a little clearer. All of this is just so god damned confronting for you and him!! Thanks re the biopsy, will just see what is happening. The node is around my old scar so am hoping its just keloid scarring thats most probably been there for a long time and i have not noticed. Time will tell! Julie