To leave work temporarily or not to take care of my dad

[Meek]

My 71 year old dad has been diagnosed with mestatic melanoma in late Sept (3 brain tumors and has spread to lymph nodes) he's had radiation and about to start chemo Dr have said that he may only have months but cannot say for sure. I'm very torn at the moment cause I want to spend time with him and care for him which I am doing but trying to juggle my own family,work and staying with dad most nights dad was diagnosed 2 days before I was meant to start my new job and my work have been fantastic. Dad needs 24 hour care due to his memory loss etc. Which i can see him deteriorating weekly. I'm not sure if I should talk to work about Stepping down or cutting back my hours. I'm worried financially how we will cope. Has anyone been through this situation  and how did they know when it was right to take a leave of absence  to be the sole carer .

[Katekat]

Hi @Meek and welcome,

Sorry to hear of your Dad's diagnosis and I am glad your work have been accommodating.

You would likely have received a private message by now from a member of our team with some suggestions, does anyone here have any insight with a similar situation or any advice that might assist Meek?

Meek, you'll find below some links to some resources I hope you will find useful:

• Understanding Melanoma - ebook (pdf)
• Our information page for Carers.
• Information for working carers
• Home help

Please do let us know how you get on 

[Rosa]

dear Meek I am so sorry to hear about your dad.

I am in a similar situation. My new workplace doesn't know about my situation yet but I feel sure they will help because that is what I would do if I was the boss. As a manager, I do extend as much assistance as possible. There is always a way to make it work out and you might be surprised to know how many staff members need a change in work conditions at any given time. Let your work help you. It can be a very supportive - and humbling - experience to see how willing people are to accommodate yor needs.

If you are concerned about taking too much time, share your situation and be guided by what they say. It is important to keep in touch with work too and having that to focus on may be helpful for a while. I think it's also important to take each day as you go and not try to predict too far ahead what you'll need to do. And remember to look after yourself. If you get worn out, that won't help your dad. Be well and take care, Rosa

[Ben42]

Hi Meek

My father was diagnosed approx 5 months ago and is terminal. I walked away from my job about 1 1/2 months ago as he has deteriorated rapidly and was hospitalised about a month ago for a week when we thought we would lose him then. I care for him 24/7 as he needs assistance with almost everything I have found my new role as a carer quite challenging and extremely lonely existence. And yes financially it is very difficult as I've had to apply for Centrelink now. Although there are several issues to face I am getting to spend valuable time with my father in his final chapter of life which is heartbreaking but also rewarding that I can be there to help and so he knows his not alone in this journey. I wish you all the best with your decision.

cheers