dad is terminal and I'm not coping

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dad is terminal and I'm not coping

My dad has had prostate cancer for a few years. the prostate was removed but it has become secondary in his bones. We have now found a spot on his pancreas. In the last couple of days he has become incredibly tired and almost incoherant. he has a second wife (of 2 years) who is quite controlling and I am struggling to get answers. I am just not coping. He's my dad and I want him here forever... I am simply devestated.
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Re: dad is terminal and I'm not coping

Hi Lisa, I am sorry to hear about the progress of your father's cancer. I understand your devastation & desire to have him here forever. Unfortunately, a part of life is death & it is pretty tough to see this progression. I wonder if a part of the reason his second wife is being controlling is that this is a way she copes. The first thing I did (quite unconsciously) when I found out about my husband's cancer was try to put order & structure around the chaos. I have discovered that this is the way I cope when things are out of control. I also wonder if she struggles to talk about what is going on because it is too painful for her? She may not have the ability (either emotionally or otherwise) to give you the answers you are seeking. Are you able to talk to her about the way you are feeling? Do you get any time with your dad on your own? I have started seeing the palliative care counsellor, and while it was a distressing conversation - it has helped me to adjust my expectations and 'normalised' some things (like my husband's increasing grumpiness). It is ok not to cope all the time with this stuff. It is hard, and you do need to let the emotion out. I wish you the best on your journey. Von
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Re: dad is terminal and I'm not coping

Spend some time alone with your dad if you can . He may not have or be willing to give you the answers you want but you can try. Your main purpose should be spending time together after that .I'm sorry that the cancer has spread into his bones .
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Re: dad is terminal and I'm not coping

Lisa.. my dad lost his battle with bowel cancer on the 11/12/2012.. he battled for 2.5years.. the last stages of his cancer he deteriorated very quickly. My advice to you is just be there with him.. talk to him.. whether or not he knows you are there and care for him..dont worry about the wife.. not important... no one can stop you seeing your dad.. just be with him and cherish every moment.. my dad passed away only 58 years old and being with my mum since they were 14.. and i am one of 5 girls.. so it was a little strange trying to get time with dad before he did pass.. but again.. just be there .. talk to him.. tell him what you are doing.. etc.. since dad funeral.. i still go visit and talk.. its going to be a tough time ahead.. prayers and thoughts with you.. xx
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Re: dad is terminal and I'm not coping

im sorry to hear that... i lost my husband a month ago and im ok now.. when he was passing away it was like he had already left me... u will be in shock and feel so terrible but honestly time makes everything better... day by day.. spend time with him and tell him u love him.. u should try telling his wife how you feel..?
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Re: dad is terminal and I'm not coping

Hi Lisa So sorry to hear about your Dad. My other passed three months ago tomorrow. I agree with what others have said - spend as much time with your dad as you can, ask him everything you want to ask (understand if he cannot answer), talk to him, tell him you love him, just sit with him. These will be precious moments. Take care Kerro
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Re: dad is terminal and I'm not coping

Hi Lisa So sorry to hear about your Dad. My other passed three months ago tomorrow. I agree with what others have said - spend as much time with your dad as you can, ask him everything you want to ask (understand if he cannot answer), talk to him, tell him you love him, just sit with him. These will be precious moments. Take care Kerro
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