I need support

[Lorelei]

My husband had lung cancer which was inoperable. He was travelling OK after having large doses of both radiation and chemo. He was on a pill called Tarceva and this had some side effects but he seemed to be able to manage them ok. He didn't look sick and he was always active until about 2 months ago. The Tarceva just suddenly stopped working and Trev went downhill very quickly. I took him to Bendigo hospital where the oncologists said that his left lung had collapsed and the cancer had spread throughout his body. We decided to go back to Swan Hill hosp as it was closer to home and the nurses there put Trev into the palliative care room. Trev passed away 4 days later. Why is it so hard? I miss him so much, and I need his advice. I am trying to run our business by myself and it is just so hard. I am not looking forward to Christmas as Trev's birthday was Christmas Eve. Does anyone have any advice?

[Rubes1984]

Hi lorelei, I am so sorry for your loss! Although I am on the otherwise (the patient) I can relate to the shock of when cancer spreads - its very frightening and unpredictable. You mentioned its Trevs brthday on Christmas eve - how about u do something nice that is a way to say hello to him. For example getting some helium and balloons and writing a special message on them; then let them go into the sky. Or lighting a candle around his pictures and saying a prayer. Or doing something he loved/ you both loved and taking a moment of silence to remember him/tell him u love him. These are just ideas and may not be helpful to your situation. Grief takes people on an extreme rollercoaster ride where there are no rules and no boundaries. Take each day one at a time and remember to be kind to yourself. Take care Rubes

[Star]

hi lorelei, im sorry for your loss, and thoughts are with you and your family. my mum just passed away 3 days ago from lung cancer. hers too was inoperable, she was on no treatment just pain meds. she had been travelling pretty well considering and in the past month really deteriated. knowing she had cancer and that eventually she would pass on still did not prepare us for her leaving.and in her case i was sudden, but thats how she wanted it, quick. christmas will be sad without her, as a gift to mum we will be eating many of mums favourite foods . perhaps you could do the same? and perhaps all go around the table and mention a memory you had of your husband? he will be there in spirit, as will my mum with me. perhaps with your business you could get some professional advice. it must be hard because you may be feeling over whelmed and having to deal with a business aswell. i dont know if my advice helps.i wish you a merry christmas king regards star

[Star]

hi lorelei, im sorry for your loss, and thoughts are with you and your family. my mum just passed away 3 days ago from lung cancer. hers too was inoperable, she was on no treatment just pain meds. she had been travelling pretty well considering and in the past month really deteriated. knowing she had cancer and that eventually she would pass on still did not prepare us for her leaving.and in her case i was sudden, but thats how she wanted it, quick. christmas will be sad without her, as a gift to mum we will be eating many of mums favourite foods . perhaps you could do the same? and perhaps all go around the table and mention a memory you had of your husband? he will be there in spirit, as will my mum with me. perhaps with your business you could get some professional advice. it must be hard because you may be feeling over whelmed and having to deal with a business aswell. i dont know if my advice helps.i wish you a merry christmas king regards star

[little_stitcher]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Lorelai. The first Christmas and birthday after someone has gone are usually hard, and you have a double whammy. I don't know if it will be helpful to you (or possible, at this late stage), but the Christmas after my cousin passed away (on 1st December one year) we did things differently than we had on previous years. We usually had a family lunch at my parents house, that year we went to a restaurant. I think it was particularly helpful for his parents that things weren't supposed to be the way they had been previously. I'm sending you big hugs. xx

[Melanie]

That was a really good idea Stitcher- I must keep that in mind! And getting out in public, helps you to keep things together a bit more. I'm so so sorry for your loss Lorelei, I'm sure as much as it was a terribly emotional day, you made it through. I don't look forward to it, I can't imagine how lonely it is. I hope you had lots of family to hug on the day