its been over a year since mum passed away. in the past few months i cant even look at her pictures. when i feel sad i push it out of my mind. i feel numb when it comes to thinking of mum. is this normal to feel numb? i feel scared that if i let my self go and really feel my pain i wont handle it...am i not letting myself grieve? ... View more

Its been 3 weeks and 3 days since mum passed away. Sometimes I feel like Im waiting for her to come home from a trip away, and then sometimes it feels so real and raw. I am hating life at the moment, Iv been trying so hard to be happy and seem interested in life....but really I don't. I just want my mum back. Mums friend of many years passed away yesterday from Cancer. It makes me wonder Why? Why do beautiful people get taken away. Why is life sometimes so beautiful yet can be so mean and cruel. All I see lately is the cruelty. Im trying so hard to be happy and interested....I just want my mum. Maybe its selfish of me, as in the very end she was in pain, anxious and uncomfortable. But i just wish she was here and not sick. I feel so empty, uncomfortable and like Im missing something, missing a major part of me. I could cry for eternity for my loss and the loss others experience aswell. Its all soo sad and it hurts. Will I ever feel truly happy again?? ... View more

i cannot remember the last time i wrote. mum had a chest infection and after a week in hospital she went to a hospice, after one week in the hospice she came home as she decided she was not ready to pass away.mum spent two and a half beautiful weeks at home before returning to the hospice. on the doctors usual weekly visit she explained that mum had pneumonia and had had a mild stroke from brain tumor bleed and suggested mum return to hospice. mum passed away shortly after returning. it happened the way mum always spoke how she wanted it to...quick and peaceful. we are happy she isn't in pain or struggling any more. mum always said she didn't want me to remember her in the times that she was agitated and irritable and snappy towards me, how could i- those time dont compare to the beautiful times we had. all i know is that she is truly the most beautiful, brave and strongest women iv ever known, and ever will know.i will miss her deeply, she was my best friend. it has been a hectic few days preparing for the funeral.i feel like iv been blocking all thoughts of mum, as i know it will cripple me and i will brake down crying for my mum. for now im coping by blocking the sadness and being busy with family and preparing. i know i will crumble when everyone leaves. in a way i look forward to it, knowing i can be free to brake down whenever i want. tommorrow we are having the service, i tried my hardest to arrange it the way she wanted, although a few things were taken out of my hands. iv tried not to let that stuff worry me and hope that mum will be happy with the day. it will be a sad day, and after tommorow will be the beginning of a new 'normal', time to create a new 'normal' without her. i am scared to imagine how hard it will be and the pain i will feel when i let down my guard and let the feelings flow freely..... ... View more

i dont know if what im feeling is normal grieving emotions or am I trying to be told something. Mum has now been moved into a hospice. it all happened so quickly. they spoke about it a few days ago and now shes in there. mum says its better as she is taking the burden off me. The nurses and doctors say see it as a gift- you now have your mum back and you can be daughter. i dont know, one moment i feel ok about it then one moment i feel she should be here in our house with me looking after her like it has been for the past few months. yes it was stressful at times but maybe it wouldnt be that bad. it is killing me this constant thought im having, did we make the right choice...or should she be with me. maybe my thoughts are selfish. has any one else had these feelings and what do they mean? ... View more

has anyone else been in this situation and have any advice. within one week my mums tumor has grown amazingly fast and they now have said she has days to weeks to live. i cannot get my head around it, i cannot understand it. how come one week ago at her usual 2 month checkup it was all pretty much the same and now bam! i feel like the doctor has lied to me, or that they are wrong and i want a second opinion. i can not come to terms with it- she looks the same to me, but whats happening on the inside is a different story i guess. do you have advice for me? how to i move past my fixation on the thoughts that the doctors are lying to me, or there not trained enough to know my mum? ... View more