Coming out the otherwise of teatment is a hard time filled with confusion, frustration, extreme emotions, reflection and sometimes just plain chaos...... We cannot label our emotions and filter out thoughts to make sense. Sense in itself is lacking and we reflect and dissect to make it understandable when sometimes we cannot. Since treatment has finished I have lost a very dear friend (over 10yrs we have been mates and now seems we r strangers), been pushed back into full time work (choice was to return full time or my position would be advertised), my husband health has been very poor and he has recently had a heart attack, our cat went missing and still is (we r both very sad), ive found myself completely lacking energy, people now assume I'm better and r expecting way too much from me (only finished chemo 5mths ago). So I keep trying to work out what all this means, what life lessons are to be learnt from this, why some people cruise through life without consequences??? I've recently decided to attend some counselling however due to full time work I arranged some phone counselling - both appts were not kept by the counsellor..... I am pretty disappointed by that especially since I am a full time counsellor myself and know that not keeping appt is very poor practice. Ah well I'm sure there's some good reason why.. . Sometimes all we can do is sigh and hope tomorrow is a better day. ... View more

Its been a while since I last posted, life has been super busy and I have been adjusting to a new kind of living.... Living and coping after cancer treatment and returning to some level of normalcy. Firstly I have gotten off all the pain medications and I am feeling much better for it. Although I still experience pain I am grinning and bearing it, managing on panadol, hot showers and bedrest. Its a new kind of living which Will take a lot to adapt to. Secondly I have returned to work part time. I have been back for about a month, its exhausting me however its nice to be back. Thirdly I remain cancer free, will have more scans again in 2mths. My team are keeping a close eye on any symptoms I am experiencing. I have been very fatigued, running temps and experiencing a lot of chest pain. however upon further testing they assume it is related to post chemo symptoms. We can only hope so.... There is always fear these things mean some evil is lurking, a new fear we find on the otherwise of recovery...... Fourthly, my home community of bundaberg have been hit terribly hard due to recent flooding. Its been a very trying time for so many people here. Thankfully my husband and I are safe with minimal affect from the flooding. I thank god everyday we were lucky to be still here and with all our possessions. Being flooded in wasn't so bad, we were forced to slow down a bit and gave us time to reflect on how lucky we really are! Lastly (buy not least), I have found myself often distracted worry about things that may or may not happen.... Such unhelpful ways to manage our worries and fears. Its funny we worry about worry...... I hope you are all well and that 2013 has brought some sunshine into what is otherwise a dreary time that we face everyday while we ride the cancer rollercoaster ride:). I have been looking back on the past 10mths and having deep reflective moments, sometimes with clarity and other times pondering A whole world of unanswered questions. All I can say for sure is I have faced life's fears and I'm still here to tell the tale. I pray many others are on the same path of survival. "We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot." Eleanor Roosevelt ... View more