how do you keep going ??

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Re: how do you keep going ??

Hi Garyowencat What feels like a lifetime ago now my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given 6 months. It had always just been he and I as I'm an only child and my mum had passed away when I was only 18 months old. 6 months turned into 7 years in the end before he passed of secondary breast cancers, not the initial pancreatic diagnosis. Caring for him as well as my own kids (single mum at the time) was one of the hardest experiences I think I will ever go through in my life. I've since survived an aggressive breast cancer diagnosis myself and I still look back on going through that with him as even more difficult than my own challenges. It is simply brutal at times and there are really no words to explain it in its full entirety. A lot of what everyone will tell you will probably not fix things for you however I will say that it is okay to feel the way you will at times. It is exhausting, emotionally and physically. It is scary and it is such a roller coaster of emotions and experiences that in all honesty, no one really understands until they've walked that path themselves. Try not to feel guilty, you have to look after yourself through it all as well, as hard as that is. Being a few years on the otherside now, I can tell you that you will get through it but try as best you can to allow yourself to experience the feelings that result from the care you're giving. My dad eventually deteriorated very very quickly when the cancer spread to the lining of his brain. It went from him experiencing vertigo and nausea to no longer being with us. It was the most surreal three weeks of my life and I honestly thought I was losing the plot. I have no idea how I got through it but I guess I did and finally his suffering was over. I even still feel guilt about the emotions I experienced when I was caring for him over the seven years and particularly in those last weeks, yet I try to keep it in perspective and remember that it was just plain hard. I'm not sure this makes sense and I've rambled on a bit. Hang in there is such a blase phrase sometimes but its sometimes all we can do. xx
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Occasional Contributor

Re: how do you keep going ??

Hi Garyowencat What feels like a lifetime ago now my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given 6 months. It had always just been he and I as I'm an only child and my mum had passed away when I was only 18 months old. 6 months turned into 7 years in the end before he passed of secondary breast cancers, not the initial pancreatic diagnosis. Caring for him as well as my own kids (single mum at the time) was one of the hardest experiences I think I will ever go through in my life. I've since survived an aggressive breast cancer diagnosis myself and I still look back on going through that with him as even more difficult than my own challenges. It is simply brutal at times and there are really no words to explain it in its full entirety. A lot of what everyone will tell you will probably not fix things for you however I will say that it is okay to feel the way you will at times. It is exhausting, emotionally and physically. It is scary and it is such a roller coaster of emotions and experiences that in all honesty, no one really understands until they've walked that path themselves. Try not to feel guilty, you have to look after yourself through it all as well, as hard as that is. Being a few years on the otherside now, I can tell you that you will get through it but try as best you can to allow yourself to experience the feelings that result from the care you're giving. My dad eventually deteriorated very very quickly when the cancer spread to the lining of his brain. It went from him experiencing vertigo and nausea to no longer being with us. It was the most surreal three weeks of my life and I honestly thought I was losing the plot. I have no idea how I got through it but I guess I did and finally his suffering was over. I even still feel guilt about the emotions I experienced when I was caring for him over the seven years and particularly in those last weeks, yet I try to keep it in perspective and remember that it was just plain hard. I'm not sure this makes sense and I've rambled on a bit. Hang in there is such a blase phrase sometimes but its sometimes all we can do. xx
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Re: how do you keep going ??

PS. Bravo for finding this forum and for expressing what you're going through. I can honestly say that it was one person's experiences on this site that got me through the last few weeks with dad. If I hadn't had posted on here it would have been a much scarier experience. Reaching out is difficult but big hugs to you for having done so! 🙂
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Re: how do you keep going ??

PS. Bravo for finding this forum and for expressing what you're going through. I can honestly say that it was one person's experiences on this site that got me through the last few weeks with dad. If I hadn't had posted on here it would have been a much scarier experience. Reaching out is difficult but big hugs to you for having done so! 🙂
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Re: how do you keep going ??

My dad ended up losing his battle in December last year. We had 7 months from diagnosis until His passing but I truly believe he is in a better place now, no more pain. Knowing that others felt similar to me really helped me through both dads cancer battle and some of the grief afterwards. I feel for everyone out there supporting friends or family with cancer. It's hard, it's cruel and it really takes it out of you, but let your feelings out, share them with others, it does help. I'm still tied up with the administrative side of things, there's so much to be taken care of that we weren't told about. Don't forget to enjoy their company. I stressed too much about dads health that I don't think we spent much quality time together.
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Re: how do you keep going ??

My dad ended up losing his battle in December last year. We had 7 months from diagnosis until His passing but I truly believe he is in a better place now, no more pain. Knowing that others felt similar to me really helped me through both dads cancer battle and some of the grief afterwards. I feel for everyone out there supporting friends or family with cancer. It's hard, it's cruel and it really takes it out of you, but let your feelings out, share them with others, it does help. I'm still tied up with the administrative side of things, there's so much to be taken care of that we weren't told about. Don't forget to enjoy their company. I stressed too much about dads health that I don't think we spent much quality time together.
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