Howdy,
Thanks for taking the time to post your story. I'm so sad to hear about your father.
Everyone will tell you it is natural to experience all the feelings you have at this time. I guarantee it is... my partner is fighting lung cancer right now and I am also on the same feelings rollercoaster. Also like you I have a history of depression and anxiety that I have meds to help with.
The first thing I can suggest is speak to your prescribing doctor. You may feel you can weather the storm as-is, but this situation will put you under more stress than you can picture now and you don't want to be playing catch-up with your meds.
The Cancer Council phone-in service where you can speak with a trained councillor was invaluable for me, and I recommend you give them a call to talk it all through.
Don't feel ashamed about not wanting to see your father suffer.. you wouldn't feel that way if you didn't love him and he would understand that. Don't worry... a parent doesn't want to subject their child to it either. You both have love for each other in common and understanding that will bring you both closer and give you both strength.
It is natural to think the worst at this time, but it is early days in the journey and far too early to give up hope. Oncology has come a long way and anything is possible.
As your father's cancer journey progresses you'll both be amazed at the inner strength each of you will find. There will be many things that will frighten you because you have no control over them, but keeping a hopeful, united front will also bring moments of peace.
Best Wishes.
