Adjusting to a new normal

Occasional Visitor

Adjusting to a new normal

Hi all,

It is amazing reading about the strength and resilience of so many people, it's awful how many are affected by this terrible disease. This year both my mother and father, who are divorced, have been diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer. Mum had breast cancer and had her breasts removed about 10 years ago and had radiation. The cancer returned 5 years later and she had chemo. It has now spread through her body and is in her bones. She has had to halt chemo as it is making her too sick, so all we can do is just wait. She is having radiation for the pain.

Dad had prostate cancer 2 years ago, had the operation but it is now quite aggressively spreading through his body and is also in his bones. Ive moved my dad in to live with me and he started chemo last week. 

The reality of what is ahead has sort of hit me this week, as I have seen my dad go from an energetic 70 year old to a man in agony who can barely get out of bed. When I speak to mum, she is starting to get sicker, she has started vomiting for no reason and is just so tired all the time.

I dont want either of them to know that I am not handling things, ive woken up every morning for the last week having panic attacks and crying and can't seem to snap out of it. I've missed work and all I want to do is make time stop. 

I was told that as treatment continues you become conditioned to it all, and it becomes a new normal. Does it get easier? I can't afford to fall apart. I'm a single mum, I need my job and I need to stay strong for dad especially. How can I come to terms with the prospect of losing them both? I am just feeling sad all the time and scared of the future. 

Frequent Contributor

Re: Adjusting to a new normal

So sorry to hear that both of your parents aren't doing well... Having to care for one parent is hard enough.  

I'm just going to be open and honest with you. 

I was the one who took care of both my parents when they were not doing well. My mom passed away in our house. My dad need 24 hr of professional help. So I moved him to a care facility close to my work. 

I understand how hard it is to go to work knowing that they may not be alive when you get home. 

The truth is even if they were healthy there is no guarantee they would see tomorrow. Thats just life. 

You mentioned that you are a mom.  There is nothing wrong with your feelings. But learning how to cope and push forward for your kids sake is something you have to do. 

They will be watching and learning life copping silks from you during all this. 

My oldest son was to young to understand death when my father died. My father died at the age of 47 and died on my 23rd birthday.  I choose not to let it spoil my birthday's. I still wanted to enjoy my birthday and life. 

By the time my mom got to the point of being sent home on hospice she was a great grandmother. All she wanted was to see and hear her grandchildren during her final days/ weeks.  Long story short her grandchildren and great children filled our house with laughter.  Sure they cried at times but they were taught at a very young age that death is something that happens.  We openly talk about their grandmother being very sick. She was going through kidney failure.  Found out she had cancer.  When through cancer treatment that increased her failing kidneys. 

You may find this hard to believe. The day after my mom passed turned out to be one of the best times we had as a family. 

My wife and I was on our way to make arrangements for my mom when our 11 year old granddaughter asked to go with us. We said yes.  Yes it was hard for her but she walked out of there with a smile. 

The 3 of decided we would BBQ cheap hamburgers for everyone at home because my mom loved cheap hamburgers. 

If laughter can be heard in heaven my mom was smiling the day after she passed. 

We decide to honor her dieing wish . She just wanted the best for all of us. 

Ill never forget that day. 

I stood with my arm on my wife's shoulder and while fighting back tears said that our family was going to be ok...

I should mention we are waiting to find out what cancer I have. 

Our kids and oldest granddaughter, she's 17 now aren't freaking out. When we told them I have cancer but didn't know how bad it is their reply  was that there was no reason to freak out. Our oldest son said that as a family we were going to be ok. I didn't know that he heard me say it to my wife that day. 

Funny I'll still alive but I'm watching him become the new leader of my family. 

My family is going to be in good hands. I'm not a perfect father. I did teach my kids to think for themselves and we didn't protect them from reality..

What we do best: We stick together ❤ 

Enjoy what you have now. 

If you don't mind. How old are/ is your child/ children 

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