Hello I'm new to this forum

[freetobeme]

Hi to you all, I just want to introduce myself. My name is Kylie. I joined this page because a really good friend of mine is going through hell. She lost her mum a year ago from cancer, and today is the anniversary of the funeral. She is also a full time carer for her husband who is also dying from cancer. He is in a bad way. I feel so bad for her. Shes still grieving her mum a lot, but has to be strong for her husband, who needs her. She feels that she can not let herself show her pain because everyone needs her. Her husband is up several times a night in pain so she gets no sleep. She is reasonably strong although all she goes through. I know inside she is a mess. I just would like to ask if anyone has any suggestions of any charities that offer help for families who are going through cancer. She is too ashamed to ask for help, this is why I think she needs a friend to try do something. I would like to see her and her husband have a nice holiday or something before he passes away. I just want to do something nice for her. I just cant seem to find anything. I find lots of places that help children who have cancer and even breast cancer patients, but not just general patients. I think it would be so nice for her to have a break or something. I just don't know where to start. She is an amazing person. She just struggles through, even though I know its killing her, she said she has no choice. Shes been going through this for four years now, with no relief and then losing her mum a year ago,, she has come to my house and broken down today, I think its really starting to take its toll on her. I feel so helpless, I can see how much she is suffering but I don't know how to help. If anyone can suggest anything that would be great. Cheers Kylie

[krystle87]

Hi Kylie, my Mum is currently going through hell with cancer too. We are not sure as of yet how long she has or what the prognosis is. We only know that cancer will get her eventually, which is really hard. She has just started going to a charity called Bloomhill. They provide a serene environment, offer counseling (which I am considering for myself), support, knowledge, offer discounted massages, painting classes and even the occasional couples retreat. It might not be anywhere exotic, but the one here takes them up to the hinterland to a resort where they get to enjoy couples massages, all meals etc. for only $250. I don't know if it's any help, but they are proving very useful to my Mum.

[freetobeme]

Hi Krystel, thank you so much for your reply, and I am so sorry to hear about you mum. Cancer is so cruel 😞 That place sounds great. I am in SA but they may not mind traveling there. I think when people are going through Cancer, they need things like this to lift their spirits, because life is hard enough without being so sad all the time, especially with knowing your going to pass away a lot sooner, and the friends and families suffering along with them. I wish you and your family well and thank you once again for your help. Kylie xo

[stargazer]

Hi Kylie Your such a wonderful friend.I lost my husband 4 weeks ago.I cared for him for a year. Being there for your friend and listening to her is what she needs.Its extremely tough on not only the person suffering but everyone around.Being strong is hard but somehow we all manage to do it.I see your in SA Im not familar with whats on offer there. I know I got people make meals for my family which easeed the pressure on me.I often asked my husband towards the end if he would have liked a trip away his reply was always no as he wanted to wait till he got better. Sadly the cancer wouldnt let him.My advice check with your local palliative care or the hospital where hes being treated may have an idea.Hope that helps,please give your friend a hug for me.

[stargazer]

Hi Kylie Your such a wonderful friend.I lost my husband 4 weeks ago.I cared for him for a year. Being there for your friend and listening to her is what she needs.Its extremely tough on not only the person suffering but everyone around.Being strong is hard but somehow we all manage to do it.I see your in SA Im not familar with whats on offer there. I know I got people make meals for my family which easeed the pressure on me.I often asked my husband towards the end if he would have liked a trip away his reply was always no as he wanted to wait till he got better. Sadly the cancer wouldnt let him.My advice check with your local palliative care or the hospital where hes being treated may have an idea.Hope that helps,please give your friend a hug for me.

[krystle87]

Hi Kylie, Oh wow! I'm an Adelaide girl originally, my family are all from there. Cancer is cruel. My Mum is such an awesome person, she is so loved. She doesn't smoke, doesn't drink to excess then bam! Cancer - twice! It sucks that in this day and age they still can't treat this damned disease. Perhaps you could consider setting up some kind of fundraiser to send them away for a weekend or something? Check out the cancer charities, they may offer something similar to Bloomhill? 🙂 Thank you, I wish I could offer more something more helpful. Krystle.

[krystle87]

Hi Stargazer, I am so sorry for your loss. It is agony watching a loved one suffer through cancer. We are uncertain at the moment as to the life expectancy of my Mum. She has secondary breast cancer in her bones and in the lining of her lung. Mum always says that to me, that she'll wait until she is better. She and my step-father were forced to put off a booked holiday to Vanuatu this March and are planning to go in October provided Mum can. I hope that she can. I also had to bring home my wedding from North Queensland because she may not be able to travel for it. Perhaps once you are up to it, you should take that trip. 🙂 I do hope that things get better for you from here on. Krystle.

[freetobeme]

Hi Krystal, So you know Adelaide then. Thanks for the reply again,, so sad that people have to suffer, especially good people like your mum. I am going to keep researching on the internet, and if I find something I might even share it on this page for other people. I was thinking about doing a fundraiser or something to send them away. Its a good idea. I really hope your mum gets well and I wish you all the love and support while you go through this with her. I'm always here if you need to chat. 🙂 big hugs Kylie

[freetobeme]

Hi Stargazer, I am so sorry for your loss, you must be completely devastated. My heart goes out to you. I cant imagine what its like to go through cancer. I did lose my sister and nephew in a car accident twelve years ago, so I do know what grief is like. It gets easier over time, but it does take a lot of time. So just allow yourself to grieve and dont worry about anything else. I think it would be hard watching someone you love suffer. I cant imagine how people get through this. I'm watching my friend falling to pieces, she used to be one of the strongest people I knew. Now she is really sad. Its horrible to see. I will be there for her and help her as much as I can. Her husband actually likes going away, he is still active, he hasn't got to the real bad state yet, but although he is in lots of pain and does struggle with that, and has a lot of real bad days he has some good ones too. They have a camper trailer and go away camping. I think she is struggling with the being his carer thing already, but she wont get help, she just says hes her husband she will look after him. I'm hoping that when he gets too bad she will realize she needs help. Thank you for your suggestions, and once again, my heart goes out to you and I hope that your pain eases soon. I am always here if you need to talk. Take care Kylie 🙂

[stargazer]

Thank you Kylie Your reply was a comfort thank you.We too had a camper trailer like yor friend.Sadly we only used it twice then sold it as my husband wasnt strong enough to use it.Just tell them to enjoy as much time together now.I am thinking of your friend, her husband and you of course as you are suffering along with them.I too am always here to talk to.As I get more in control of myself and my life I hope to join more groups.Take care hope to talk soon Jo (stargazer)