My mum with pancreatic cancer stage 4 and terminal

[kj]

Hi Keri

sorry for late reply been away camping long week end no net,I was not able to get rid of bloating and fullness still have it moderately ,example one weetbix fulls me up for brekky any more and bloating hits hard nothing seems to help and I know it will be worse for your mum.Pain wise I was different I had pain radiating from back through to chest relieved with morphine,also stomach and diareah pain I did not match pain described by you but all have different pains and symptoms,where is actual pain from which area,I have residual pain after whipple right side under rinds which I wear a hernia band for it helps.Sorry can't offer explanation.

kj

[Keri]

All good 😊

the more we hear the more I realise how different everything can be.

mum gets the pain in the upper abdominal area and bloating also gives mum a weird sensation. We thought if that could be controlled she could be able to eat a little more. Morphine does help but last week she was someone so different we found out it was partially the chemo but more of the morphine. Mum didn't overdose but was taking them incorrectly.  She has two types, fast release and slow release but the oncologist helped put a plan in place on Friday regarding all her tablets which makes total sense. 

She she has a really good day yesterday but today the pain came back and she could hardly eat but found drinking water with fresh lime she can get down really easy.

trial and error from now on I think. Mum is going to see the dietitian soon but I think it will be for supplements. 

I I also spoke to mum about palliative care today and she's going to bring it up with the oncologist on Friday. So we shall see what he says. What ever can get us all through it, have to at least try! 

[me_mum]

Hi Keri, after reading your posts I can actually say what you have said is exactly what I am going through with my mum. Mum is now on her 4th cycle of chemo, she weights around 45kg, she struggles with what to eat and on odd occasions she has tummy pains.

I've decided to stop work to care for her as I know anything can happen at any time. She was admitted to Hopstial a few weeks back because her temp was high, and she hates hospitals...

Mum takes Ensure a meal supplement when she can't eat, hydrate lite ice blocks if she feels her temp is going up, and just rests as she has lack of energy.

It's hard seeing her like this, and I know it's going to get worst...

Take it day by day, and make sure you look after yourself too which I know it's hard too do. Life has changed for me now and I know now I have to change with it 😉 Mon

[Keri]

Hi mon.

wow can't believe they are so similar. So sorry to hear about your mum. So hard to see them go down hill. 

Mums nevee had a full cycle of chemo. After every chemo session her temp rises and she is admitted into hospital. First time it was just an infection, second time it was an infection and they found blood clots large and small in her arteries of her lungs. Mums currently in hospital at the moment with another infection and an abscess on the liver. It's never ending!! From the beginning she had this bloated tummy which over the long weekend has grown which is why she went to hospital this time too. But doctors aren't doing anything to that until they get rid of the abscess incase it spreads the poison. They did find that tje bloated stomach has fluid but they don't know what has cased this. 

We have an oncologist appointment on Friday I missed the last 2 so will be good to go this time. 

We we also found out last week my grandma has cancer too. Not sure what type but she's 90 now and not going ahead with chemo. So me my brother and daughter are heading to England to see her and my grandad. Going to be hard knowing it's our last time ever seeing them (unless on Skype) 

not even half way through the year and we keep getting hit. Such is life though. 

How is your mum doing mentally? Good results with chemo? Any side effects or just tiredness? 

Mums also lost so much weight. The oncologist said at the start, you know when chemo is working when you put weight on but that's not the case. I can't see mum doing this any longer than christmas. I think when my grandparents go I think mum might stop chemo, which I wouldn't be against. It will be hard to loose her but at least she wouldn't be in pain and discomfort. 

Thankfullymy my brother and dad are around. My mum would be furious if I stopped work, but my work is great with time off I need. I've given them some short notice to go to England for 2.5 weeks. (I finally found a job where I like with great people and don't want to loose it either) I know when mums time comes I can have time off to help her. 

Oh im with you on the change thing! I still feel like it's not actually happening even though you can see a lot of changes. I guess that's the mind protecting itself.

how are you coping? 

[me_mum]

So sorry to hear about your grandma and yes life can change so quickly...

I know what you mean about not seeing them go through pain and yes if mum was at a stage where pain was everyday and it was because of chemo i would be asking her if she would want to stop and I am sure she would say yes.

She will be having her port put in beginning of May as the clinic is finding it hard now to find a vein for chemo in her arm.

I am going ok, I've decided to resign from my job as it's too demanding and I would rather be by mum's side as much as I can.

My dad is around and he does what he can, my brother on the other hand is a lost cause and doesn't care, selfish and only thinks of himself...

This all started Sept last year when we all just came back from my 40th BDay in Hawaii, little did i know that would be my last trip with my mum. 

Keep me posted on how your mums going, take care Mon

[Keri]

I've been thinking of breaking my lease to live closer but I'm really undecided. Once mums gone then I might as well stay were I am, 5 minutes from work.

mum was finally let out of hospital today with silver chain coming round to give mum her antibiotics. She's so doped up on medication. Falls asleep so easily. I do wonder whether it's the meds or the final stages. She can hardly walk, doesn't really eat and only drinks a little. Her stomach is so large it looks like she's 9 months pregnant. Her ankles are really swelled up from the fluid. I give mum a leg massage every time I am with her which she says it helps. I feel the end is closer than I think. I doubt she will be here at the end of the year. I feel like mum is waiting for my grandparents to pass before she stops it all. I can't really see how the is quality of life. I don't feel like I'm around enough and helping so much. My brother says I'm being silly and I've talked to mum about this before and she says what I'm doing is fine. I just feel so helpless.

glad there is some one else to help you. My dads quite like that but my brother thinks I need to cut him some slack. massive drinker but he has stopped after a huge bust up (again) although every chance my dad can he has more than a few beers. I know when mums gone he will be a full blown alcoholic like he was so I don't feel I should cut him some slack (that's a whole other story lol)

the last trip with your mum will be extra special then.  Did you get lots of photos? My mum hates photos last one I got with mum was christmas. But that's ok with me. Mum and I were planning all these holidays just before she was diagnosed. One was to Dubai with the new theme park. 

[me_mum]

This is what I fear, mum going in pain and what to do when she is in alot of pain, currently she is taking Bascopan for tummy pain, she doesn't like taking medication but I am sure there might be something else she can take. 

Your mum sounds like she is abit more advanced than where mum is at I am sorry I can't provide any further advice then to be there with her as much as you can so you will never regret anything. 

I also have a feeling dad will go down hill too when mum goes, it would be hard to loose someone you have been with and relied on for so long. 

Mum is now saying that she has tingling pains in her hands and feet, tomorrow she has her final round of chemo (4th cycle) my guess is they might reduce her treatment not sure. 

When is your trip to see your grandma? It would be hard to leave your mum during this time. 

[kj]

Keri

Sadly The ascites fluid build up is not a real good sign at this stage of your Mums illness ,it can be caused by her liver not working properly.

kj

[Keri]

Mum was on morphine but she got strange and vicious on it so they changed it to this other pain killer called endone which helps to stop the pain. Mum says it's more discomfort but I think she's just putting on a brave face. 

Shes only been diagnosed just over 3 months ago it's hard to believe really with everything going on. Feels like so much longer. The oncoligist arent looking to cure this so prolong her life. I think the cancer was in the tail of the pancreas from what my brother said last night and there isn't much they can do with that. It had spread to her neck lymph nodes, was defiantly in her liver as well but mum doesn't want to know any details where I do. So it's hard to ask doctors and the oncoligist.

mums never had the tingling. Is your mum only having 4 cycles? They say mums is long term and how long is price of string. 

Im off on the 3rd may. I said to my brother last night I don't really want to go with mum being like this but like he said, mum would prefer we aren't there if she passes although I would always regret not being there. But we have to go, for mum. 

[Keri]

Hi kj,

i have read this but the Doctors havent diagnosed this yet. It's not priority at the moment until the abscess has gone from her liver. 

Mum hoping it's something else but I doubt it. I know if it's left untreated it's not good either.

hopefully the oncoligist on Friday can give more answers. 

Last week her bloods came back and they said her liver is working fine haven't heard anything since from mum, not that she's hugley with it to remember what they say.