Nervous wait

[Lindsay]

I’m sitting in a waiting room. It resembles a cupboard, but it’s private.

Cannula in, first cup of contrast downed, now tapping the keyboard.

I’ve had this PET scan quite a few times in the past. I will confess though I am a little nervous this time. I already know that the tumour in my pancreas has grown. Confirmed a week or more ago. 

Why do I feel apprehensive? I have absolutely no idea. I reckon for the 1st time, I feel a little out of control. I can’t just get up & walk out. 

The thing is, I don’t want to disappoint anyone. My oncologist and his team have worked very hard for me. My sister in law, who is in contact most days, from Melbourne is worried.. Even my work mates, who I haven’t seen since 2017, call to check on me.

I feel a responsibility to all of these people, to make it all work.

injction done, cannula out, door closed. Waiting on my next cup of contrast. Nothing special, but nerve wracking none the less.

I suppose I’m providing you with a little too much information. Being scared and feeling alone is all part of the treatment. This is a good feeling for me. It provides insight into the uneasy feelings of people I don’t know. In turn it makes me more empathetic to the those people.

Lindsay

[sch]

Hi Lindsay,

You might know this already, but the nerves while you wait for results never go away, no matter how many times you have tests.

I've had so many colonoscopies I stopped counting them, but I still get anxious and nervous every single time. My wife threatens to leave the house with the kids for a few days in the lead up to the operation, because I can get so difficult to live with during preparation. 

How did you go with the results?

-s

[Lindsay]

Hi Sch,

What you say is true, regardless of the number of times a procedure is performed, the anxious wait is the worst.

The results weren’t good, but not life threatening. NETs is a very slow moving cancer, with COVIT and my weakened immunity, it’s best I just sit it out for a while. OKAY by me, Lutate is the next step. Not a pleasant experience for me.

How is your wife going, isolated with Corona? Weird world at the moment s. Crash helmets on and duck for cover.

cheers

[BlueMoonshine]

Hi Lindsay,

How are you doing??  

Your comments are interesting to me.  Not too much info.  We help others by sharing our story.

[sch]

Hi Lindsay,

Well we haven't heard from you in a quite some time now. I'm worried about you. I hope for the best but fear the worst.

Hopefully you just got bored of us and had better things to do with your time.

I recently bit the bullet and moved my family out of the city to live in the mountains.  In addition to getting to spend more time with family and access to better schools, I have more time to spend running the trails.

The scenery while on my runs is heavenly 

This morning the mountain I live on was high enough that our mountain was swallowed entirely by cloud. On either side of the mountain all you could see was an ocean of cloud.

Maybe one day we could sit on my back deck and share a coffee, listen to the birds chatter to each other and be thankful for our loved ones, both those we have with us now and the ones we have lost.

[christianmccal]

Recently, I made the difficult decision to relocate my family to the mountains from the city. I have more time to spend jogging the trails in addition to having access to better schools and spending more time with family.