Im in shock

[Grahamrourke]

Hellow every body, my name is Graham and i have just been told i have 3-6 months to live. Well what do i say,it has scared me a bit but to be honest i dont know what i feel,my family and friends are in big trouble trying to cope with it but i;m just making jokes about it trying to desensertize the fact that i wont be hear much longer.Secretly at night i look up into the sky and talk to the stars asking what it will be like to dye? how i will know when it is time? will it hurt? will i be able to look down and see anybody?what really happens when i stop existing? Shit i just cant get my head around it at the moment so i not going to try ,if anyone can give me a few pointers on this it will be greatly be appreciated. sincerly GRAHAM

[carmelg]

Hi Graham I know that no-one can say anything that can make a real difference to your life.... except you... Take strength from those that love you... take time for you... Believe in yourself.... There may not seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel at the moment... but there always is... YOU are the one who can control this and you will still exist if and when you body does not.... Whether you believe in a higher god or just believe in yourself... just do it... Good luck... From someone who is also "living" not "dying" with cancer... Carmel

[harker]

Hello Graham You don't have to have an answer for other people. You don't have to have an answer at all. You are way ahead saying you don't know what you feel. I think you know a lot about life and I wish you enjoyment and some peace. H

[Sailor]

G'day Graham As Harker says, you do not have to have an answer. Your family and friends will be having a lot of trouble coping, we all like to behave as if we are immortal but this thing called cancer reminds us that we are not. There are going to be a lot of decisions that you will have to make over the next few weeks - decisions about the future and a future that may not involve you. You will need to get some good professional advice on that. You may also want to some counsellors, be they secular or religious as you, nobody else, wish. You will probably want to put in place things like medical power of attorney so that if the time comes that you are not able to give instructions, your wishes will be carried out. There is no reasons for there being any pain or hurt in your journey. Good palliative care is available and you should ask your specialist to inititate this. Remember, palliative care is not about dieing, but about ensuring a good quality of life for as long as there is life. I have used before a quote that I have on the pin board in my study at home: "There are times in life when we have to face the big questions, to look death squarely in the face adn then affirm the sheer gift of life" It is attributed to Tim Costello. Regards Sailor

[samex]

Hi Graham, I don't believe that I have any pointers as even though all of us here have considered this aspect of our disease at some point or other, the directness of your statements have made me stop in my tracks. What would I do - ensure that I said what needed to be said to those I love and those who love me.I don't know but after reading Chris o'Brien's book, he claimed that he wasn't afraid of death, just not ready for it. Does this awful diagnosis allow you to prepare those you love while you become more accepting? Harker and Sailor are such wise people and I agree with them that time has passed for answers.Make every moment precious and take peace with you through these days. I believe that I too would be gazing at the stars. samex xx

[larn75]

Wow Graham, I have sat here for 10 minutes trying to decide what to write. For once I am at a loss for words. Sailors quote is wonderful though. I agree with samex as well, I would make sure all the special people in my life knew how much I loved them. I wish you love and peace and strength and courage. Alana

[Mrs_Elton]

Hi Graham, I am blown away by your post. So many questions, so few answers. I hope you have been getting some enjoyment from the spring racing carnival (I note on your profile that you enjoy horse racing). Hope you back a winner on Tuesday! Now for the important stuff........ Any hot tips??!! Peace and strength to you, Mrs Elton

[Jules2]

Hiya Graham Am struggling to find the right words and yet i want to say something to you. I just hope that you find some peace and strength, which i am sure you will. Say all the things you need to say and may each step that you take be meaningful. I see there is a horse racing in the cup called "Daffodil", i wonder if it will end up a favourite if everyone with cancer or touched by cancer backs it. I think i am with samex ... i would gaze at the stars too. Julie

[MissRen]

Hi Graham. Do whatever makes you happiest. A little while after i was diagnosed i read a book called the host by stephanie meyer and it changed my perspective about death. My body is a shell, albiet a battered one. I will live on in everything I will one day leave behind, the memories that friends and family have of me, moments captured in a photo, the red sparkly shoes and much more. You could be a medical miracle and live another 10 years, you could come back as a star. All that matters is that everyday you live is filled with love and laughter. Please don't count down the days you have left as the thought of this makes me terribly sad. Count the days you wake up to a new day full of promise.

[jules_jp]

Graham, Firstly - it sucks! Take it one day at a time. I hope you are not suffering too much and can manage to still do some of the things rest of us take for granted. My friend survived an additional 6 months despite doctors diagnosis -(she died in May this year). She spent Christmas with her family, walked (very slowly, almost breathlessly) along the beach and had many visits from family and friends. She managed to receive most of her care & medication from home (despite bouts in hospital). Please make the time to do the things you enjoy while you can - eg fishing, watch, horse and car racing. You might also want to think about a scrap book with images or video. Some people don't get the chance to prepare for death (its awful and morbid I know, but I'd be lying if I said the thought never crossed my mind). Now I see each day as a celebration of life. I hope and pray, it is not your time.