everyones just waiting for me to die

New Contributor

everyones just waiting for me to die

I was diagnosed 3 n half years ago with 4th stage breast cancer. Was given months to a year to live. It is metastisised in my bones. Inoperable. So terminal. I am stuck unable to work living on a pension a single mum and I haven't died yet and it is so obvious when I go down the street that every one is waiting for me to die. One lady even said I Dont have cancer cos I have my hair. This is cos they told me they are not offering me chemo.life is crappy going out sucks I just stay home
Occasional Contributor

Re: everyones just waiting for me to die

I'm sorry that you are going through this, it's something that no one would wish on any living being. 

Do you have family and support of friends etc? Are you still having follow ups and what is happening with any treatments? Have you looked around to see if there are other options available to you? (I am really hoping to not offend you in anyway with the questions, and if you don't want to respond to any please don't feel obliged) As for anyone saying they don't believe you have cancer....I wouldn't be saying anything nice back to them, that is something that really gets to me is that people who are ignorant and don't understand anything of the process BUT feel qualified to say something. 

Cheers, Maggie

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New Contributor

Re: everyones just waiting for me to die

How very sad for you.


I don't know how doctors can continue to give time frames to people. The truth is this:


We are all going to die.


Nobody knows when.


I met a friend recently that spent the last three months waiting to die, constantly anxious and frantic about what was going to happen. She had also been given a terminal diagnosis. I asked her what else she would have done if she hadn't had a terminal diagnosis. Her answer was to spend time being happy with her daughter, gardening, laughing with friends..... I pointed out that her doctor had stolen her hope! She had wasted three months of precious days dying, when she could have been living. We laughed about it. She promised to start cherishing each precious day, focusing on what she could do and the people that she loved. She is much happier. 


Another friend was given a terminal diagnosis last year. Then her doctor asked her if she'd like to participate in a clinical trial. Turns out she has the right biology for a new drug and now her metastatic tumours are shrinking. She has longer than she thought she did. 

We are all going to die.

Nobody can accurately predict when. 

We should make the most of every single day.



I was also diagnosed with an aggressive cancer with a high rate of recurrence. Maybe it will be what kills me. Maybe not. But I am not dying today! And that gives me one whole day of life to live. 


When times are bleak I like to remember the quote from the movie 'Shawshank Redemption': Get busy living or get busy dying! It reminds me to choose living. 

Perhaps these thoughts will help you too. I hope so. Life is so precious.


New Contributor

Re: everyones just waiting for me to die

My Consultant (at the time) gave me three to six weeks to live. He delivered this message as he was leaving the ward room. this news had caused two responses.

Firstly, for my soul mate it was the end and she did everything she could in preparation for my death. Her anticipatory grief was overpowering and consuming. Her response was to prepare palliation and to give me a pain-free exit.

My response was like the doctor had waved the red flag at a bull and from that point I engaged every resourse i had to defy this prediction. faith is important, self belief paramount, i had far too many goals to achieve to be robbed by this 'know it all".

I have recovered, but the delivery of the prognosis still stings my partner's thoughts. She remains afraid to love me with the intimacy of the past. She remains with the concept that that I am cancer, bless she remains very protective. nearly fifteen months later she is slowly coming to believe that I am alive and that each day must be seized and we should live life to the max. We have been blessed to carry on. 

F U Cancer



New Contributor

Re: everyones just waiting for me to die

Dear @Kaori
I’m doing fine, still - I have returned
to nursing - my other life passion
- although I tend to avoid the
high pressure ED and psychiatry
I am able to deliver health care in
Aged Care settings
My partner retains a fear I will
relapse, but there is no indication
to suggest this may happen
We travel extensively in our
roles in rural and remote areas
of WA
Sometimes I live the life of a
boys dream, looking at the world
With a brand new insight and a
curiosity to simple things - hey
my dog and I swam in the Fitzroy
river, chasing freshies, brolgas,
kites and eagles without fear
I will slide into heaven and
thank the universe for a great
Peace be with you

New Contributor

Re: everyones just waiting for me to die

Hi Im Kaori, I've been off this forum for a while I hope you're finding peace of mind.

Since last October I became officially an homeless, but grateful for shelter they took me in.

I've had my breast cancer metastasis a year ago.

I've been struggling to do some kind of work to qualify myself in private rental market for last 6 months

but every effort just gets wasted, I am starting to lose will power to go against this.

One thing keeping me here is my son under custody of my ex.

For me medicine worked and I am physically strong but no hope for having a job thus no hope for

a private rental is really hitting me hard.  For emergency shelter I can not have my son over

and when I am just alone I feel like I am just here as nuisance to the world.

I am tired of making effort to generate some sort of income.  I tried budgeting it worked well

but I am so bad that thinking about money actually make me sick.

I was watching a Japanese youtube by a Palliative Psychological doctor he explains the most of the

cancer patients actually die peacefully with loved ones around with not too much pain. 

He says in the end patient start to look like s/he is not responding but they can hear what you say.  "So if you're a family, keep talking"


That youtube sort of made me feel easier.  I hope I could put English sub to it, or some English seaking

Palliative care Doctor make something similar.



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