Hi. My name is Peter. My wife Belinda passed away just over three months ago. I have been very up and down over that time, and my friends and family have been of great support. I have also seen professionals for support. In the end, though, I feel very alone on this journey.
I met Belinda about 10 years ago. We got married almost 5 years to the day that she passed away. I knew she had lung cancer when we got together but she was an irresistible nice person in every possible way. I was extremely fortunate to have had her and her cancer in my life.
But now she has gone. Oh yes, in many ways she is still here in our little home that we made together. So many happy memories and so many heart strings to pull. It has been a very emotional past few months. I thought I’d be ok with her passing as I always knew that this would be the end game; that statistically at least, she was bound to die before me even though I was considerably older.
I have been tidying up the house and that has been very hard. Somethings I cannot touch without thinking of her, while other things I have been able to get rid of very easily. Sometimes I feel guilty about cleaning her stuff out. I have found Marie Kondo’s videos on tidying up very useful in this regard. She advises keeping momentous to last. That has been helpful for me.
Today I need a rest. It has been a fairly hot summer. Belinda’s memory brings me great joy and sadness all woven into one. She would be proud of me tidying up the house. It got out of control a bit over the past few years as we went through brain tumours, recovery, a short hiatus with Tagrisso and then her decline into death Her young age (45) made it all the sadder. The lung cancer did its best to rob her of the best years of her life. But she refused to let it
She was such and inspiration to me and many others. They have all gone now. It is just me and our wonderful dogs left to ponder our loss. Today I don’t feel so well. It is hot outside and I don’t feel like going out. I feel like such a sad sack when I’m like this. I will try to contact a friend and go for a coffee. That will help. Maybe the tidying can resume tonight when the temperature cools down a bit.
Pdjones, thanks for sharing. It's been a long time since I have posted. This is my seventh year fighting lung cancer and recently just turned 35yrs old. Belinda sounds wonderful and I am so glad you found each other and had love.
Cancer is a horrible illness for those with cancer and their carers, family and friends.
I can only imagine the pain you are in and hope the good memories help you through the hard times xx
I am truly sorry for your loss as I know it all too well myself. It's sometimes easier just to take things slowly and to live day-by-day as life allows. Things will eventually start to settle and some form of normality will slowly start to return. Routine can help assist with this.
I find that writing on here also tends to offer some form of comfort as well. Its some form of emotional release I suppose. (Maybe you could start an journal? Just to express yourself or write down passing feelings).
Hi Peter I am so sorry for your loss I understand the pain and frustration trying to deal with such grief. I lost my father to colon cancer 2 months ago and was his full time carer . He was my best friend and losing him has broken me and like you I hate being a sad sack but some days it's hard to be anything otherwise. I wish you all the best . Cheers Ben
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