Anticipatory Grief and loneliness

[Maz26]

Hi, 

after over 7 years stage 4 bowel cancer  treatments, my husband is now under palliative care team. Had a recent stay in hospice for pain management. Still trying to find a suitable trial however he has other chronic conditions impacting eligibility. We have two school aged children. I’ve been off work for months now. I feel I’ve lost who I am and lost any confidence that I can do this. I’m grieving him/have been grieving him and feeling so sad and so lonely. I can’t talk to him about it as my best friend as he worries about me and gets distressed if he thinks myself or our daughters are struggling. I am already seeing a psychologist regularly. Just seeking anyone else who is going through this or has gone through this. I also lost my dad 7 years ago to cancer. 

[Richard1]

Hi Maz, Im so sorry to hear about your situation. I don’t know what to say, life is so unfair. 

[Miranda_ccnsw]

Hi @Maz26 

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you're going through - it's so hard and is a lot to carry. The long journey with your husband's illness, your children and your own grief is a heavy load to bear. It makes total sense that you're feeling lost and lonely. 

It's good that you have support from a psychologist. You might also find it helpful to call 13 11 20 where you can speak to one of our health professionals who understand what you're going through. You may also find connecting with one of our Telephone Support Groups for carers of people with advanced cancer supportive also - the team on 13 11 20 will be able to explain the details to you. It can be a gentle way to connect with others who truly understand. 

Here is a page that has a few useful resources that you may also find helpful - in particular the Podcast: Caring for Someone in Their Last Months. 

Be kind to yourself, you're doing so much in a difficult situation.

Stay strong,

Miranda

CCNSW