Loss of my father due to Esophagul Cancer

[nashjo]

Hi There, My Father was diagnsed with Esophagus Cancer Jan 2011 aftr the symptoms of not being able to swallow his food properly, he was 57. He was diagnosed straight away and started chemo and did 12 weeks of that before having the major operation in June 2011 to remove the cancer, all his other vitals were very good, he recovered quite well from the operation up until September last year where is breathing started to become more difficult, he found himself on an inhaler machine up to 12 times a day, we saw lung doctors and heart doctors but no one could tell us why this was happening, also adding to this his body was swelling up, ie his ankle and leg and belly area. December 10 he left home to go see a friend and was happy to go and felt 'good' that day. On his way home, he managed to pull over in his car and suffered a massive heart attack. My mum called me to go have a look for him as he wasnt answering his mobile phone. As i was driving up the street i saw his car on he side of the road, as i opened the door he was slumped over, i screamed and tried to wake my Dad and managed to pull people over to help me get my dad out o the car. I then called the ambulance and was advised to start CPR, i have never had to do this before let alone on my own family member, my older brother then arrived and he helped me with our father, we could not get our father revived, the ambulance then arrived and after trying CPR also they advised us that our father had passed away. I am struggling to get over this, it has been 6 months, i am now dealing with this a lot worse than the first few months, i have quit my job because i cant focus, i dont see many friends anymore, and i have become very recluse, i live with my fiance and he has been great but i can tell that my mood is affecting our relationship, I find myself so unpredicatable, up and down like a yoyo and on the verge of crying all the time. I cant get passed what i saw/did that day and apart from that i see my mum suffering so much, my parnts had been together for 43 years married 40. My younger sister at the time was living in Darwin and moved back once my father passed away. I am on here with my story as im not sure how to deal with everything, this is the first time i have opened up about this. Thankyou for reading x JN

[Pamela]

Oh Nashjo, I am so sorry you lost your father but also that you experienced such a traumatic time at his death. It is understandable that it would affect you so greatly and certainly for a long time. I do think you would benefit from grief counselling as you may well be suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). It is good that you have finally opened up about this as keeping it locked in is doing you damage - and also to your relationship. Grief is such a personal thing and people experience it in different ways. Six months is a very short time in the grief process, I believe. After my first husband died in '93 I needed help with counselling almost two years later. You have opened up on here - can you open up to your Mum, your older brother and any other family or close friends as well? It may be exactly what your Mum needs, too. Good blessings and warm hugs of comfort, Pamela.

[exhausted]

Gee what a terrible thing for you to have to go through. I agree with all that Pamela has said, wise words. Be gentle on your self, Terese.

[purpleangels]

Hey there! Good on you for giving it a go in trying to revive your father........ I have experienced similar watching my cousin give CPR to our grandfather, and it was awful.......although he did a sterling job, my grandfather was unable to be revived also. (having just completed a first aid course, I sought comfort in the fact that most people who receive CPR will not be revived without defib anyway).......you did the best you could under the worst of circumstances. Loads of positive vibes and love coming your way. Be gentle with yourself....... Be proud you tried! PA

[Pinkeddy]

Hi JN I am so sorry for your loss, it really is a horrible horrible disease. I lost my father in May, the day after my birthday to Esophogus cancer after a 9 month diagnosis. He too died at age 57. He died in my arms of what I believe was a massive heart attack, it wasn't peaceful and he was in pain. I think you go into shock afterwards but like you I never thought I would experience such a thing. 57 is such a young age too, very hard to accept. My parents had been together for 41 years and would have been married for 40 years in December. I struggle and cry a lot but I make sure that I talk about it as much as I can. I am quite a closed person to my friends and try and soldier on. If you can manage to go out walking or something that you used to enjoy. I try and fill my time as much as possible but also give myself time out to rest. Sometimes short naps help in the day and each morning I do 20 deep breaths in bed before I get up. I work just two days a week which is enough to keep me busy, I don't want to go in but it helps. I have spoken to lots of people and discovered that everyone has their story which helps. One thing I can say for you is that you were with your father and how proud he would have been of you trying to help him that way. I know if anything ever happened to me I would hate the thought of anyone I love being too sad, I would want the to live life and be happy. You deserve happiness after what you have been through and I do understand completely. Please see your doctor as they can help you, you need to reach out to people. I am happy to talk to you and help if I can. Take care for now x