Loss of my husband meanwhile pregnant

[Carmen988]

Hi I want to share my story. More than 3years ago I met my husband ,it was love at first sight,we went to live together,had a great relationship but one day we got the bad news melanoma stage 4,spread already in all the organs. From that moment life changed,but we kept fighting and trying to realising our dreams,a month after we got married,we travelled and we expected a baby,but unfortunately he got worst and two month before having our daughter ,he lost his battle ...he never met her but he loved her so much,she looks just like him.He was the best partner ever and after an year I am still missing him so much everyday ! I am 29 y old with 10months old baby widow and without family in the country...My husband was my everything !

[Margaret_CCNSW]

Hi @Carmen988,

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, what a difficult situation you are in at such a young age. 

I understand that my colleague has sent you information by email about our support services at Cancer Council.  I hope that you find support here online with others affected deeply by cancer.

Please do get in touch with Cancer Council on 131120 if there is anything we can support you with.

Kind regards,

Margaret

Online Comunity Admin team

[Pedro]

Hullo Carmen

My heart goes out to you dear lady.

I would encourage you to follow Margaret's advice and contact the Cancer Council. I am sure you will find support and advice on how to take some steps to begin building a life with your daughter.

I lost two younger brothers at an early age and never received any emotional support or life direction. 

A book titled Change Your Thinking by Sarah Edelman may help you. It is based on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. I found this very helpful to clarify my thinking and take steps in a positive direction to appreciate how precious life is.

I have incurable cancer and not a long time of life left. I seem to be bombarded with questions like why and what to do with the time I have remaining.

One thing I have decided after a Christmas meetup in Melbourne with my daughter's family is I need to focus on them and enjoy the beautiful young lives of my grandchildren

I suggest to you that all the people in this Cancer Council community are touched by your tragic loss and hold you and your daughter in their hearts and thoughtd.

You have done well in reaching out on this supportive site and I wish you the very best as you begin to your journey. You will always love your husband but other people will enter your life eg teachers of your daughter, doctors, so many ....

Embrace the strengths and compassion they offer and I am sure you can begin to live life as your husband would have wanted. He will be proud of you and you can discuss with your daughter as she grows older.

Enjoy reading books to her and share your love. 

I wish you and your daughter well Carmen.

Take care.

Pedro

[Summer]

I am sorry to hear this horrible thing happens to you. I also lost my mum to pancreatic cancer when I was pregnant and I have been through a very hard time in life. Now my son is 9 weeks and I am still grieving. Most of my family also live overseas so I feel so lonely and hopeless sometimes but I love my son and he is my life so I have to be strong and look after him. 

[Pedro]

Hullo Carmen

Thanks for your reply.

I do hope you can process what Margaret and I have suggested. 

I can feel that you are surely having a difficult time but have the precious love of your baby. This is a beautiful precious gift. 

Have you phoned the helpline as detailed here on this site? I think that would help you, especially being alone and without family members.

I am a little like you in that I lost my Dad and stepmother in 17 and have a wonderful 92 year old Mum in a nursing home. I am looking to move so as to be closer to my daughter's family.

Have you spoken to the family members that you do have? Perhaps a neighbour or friend? Or a church group? Or a mother's group? Or community group? 

I do encourage yoy to reach out to someone. Good people will respond and help you. Sometimes it just requires a little step out of your comfort zone.

You are doing really well writing on this site.

How is your infant? I hope well.

Take care Carmen.

Nice to talk to you.

Bye now

Pedro

[Carmen988]

Thanks Pedro 

my girl js fine,she is an happy little princess,I couldn’t have a better daughter and she looks just like her father ,he would be so proud of her

i tried to be involved in groups,especially mums one,but it was hard and sad for me,everyone talking about them pregnancy ,the partners etc And when it was my turn ,I had to explain that her dad passed away before she was even born....So it was really hard 

fortunately I am really busy with work,my daughter and my dog that time goes so fast and I don’t have much time to think about,but I miss him so much everyday and I know time won’t help ,he was the real love !

[Pedro]

Thanks Carmen.

I appreciate having a chat.

I am so glad that LITTLE PRINCESS is happy. What a beautiful thing. This would really warm your heart.

Without going into personal detail I can relate to what you said in terms of relating to other people in difficult times. It is a little like the saying 'walk in my shoes' etc.

May I ask what your work entails? I was a career teacher amongst a number of other pathways including sports admin, bush footy player / coach, writer, outback mentor, rural worker and probably a few I have forgotten. LOL. I have worked all over Oz.

Maybe an interest group could help eg art (sketching or painting) which would be therapeutic and the attention of others is directed to the mudium or writing or drama or music or dance etc - something you could later share with LITTLE PRINCESS. 

This would be great for you both.

Do you get out into nature? A walk. A swim? A lay under a tree in a park listening to birds, looking at the sunlight filtering through the branches etc. Any natural setting would help. It would be great therapy for LITTLE PRINCESS as she grows older.

I have tried to propose a few activities that may help.

Mudic is great also if I have not mentioned this.

Old school friends?

Today I bumped into a mate I played bush footy with 45 years ago. We had a great yarn in Woolies and were laughing so loudly all these shoppers were looking at us oddly.

He is a swim coach now. You could take LITTLE PRINCESS to the pool perhaps as she grows a little older? My daughter takes her daughter and son to lessons etc. This is a great activity also.

I better close as ai have to take my car for a rego check early in the morning.

Have a nice day tomorrow.

Take care Carmen and love your LITTLE PRINCESS.

Kind regards

Pedro

[Pennies]

I lost my husband when our baby girl was 8 months old. He had just turned 36. We found out he had stage 4 bowel cancer when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I also don’t have family in the country as we both come from the UK. 

The blessing is our girls have dads who love them so dearly and wanted them with all their hearts. I go through huge ups and downs but my little girl is the one thing that makes me truly smile and I pour all the love I have for my husband into her. I hope you feel the same. It doesn’t make missing them any easier though. I just try to live life for him now too and must keep going for our daughter xx

[Pedro]

Hullo Pennies

Thank you for you message.

I am so sorry about the loss of your husband. I admire your courage and outlook as a mother who will love youe girls.

Yes being in a new country can be daunting without any family. I do hope you can meet or make contact (eg Cancer Council) with people who can support you.

I am happy to correspond and offer support also.

I am well into my cancer from March last year. I get very nauseous and fatigued. Get so weak it is hard to do normal chores etc.

I am awaiting a visitor so will close now  ut look forward to corresponding if you wish.

Thinking of you and your girls.

Take care now.

Kind Regards

Pedro