Lost mum to ovarian cancer

[Cindyclaire]

Mum was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer in oct 2017. I can never forget the day because we found out on my dads bday. Just before mum was diagnosed though we hadn’t spoken for almost 2years because of her partner but when I found out she went into emergency I rushed to the hospital and put everything aside just to find out she had stage 3 ovarian cancer. Mum was the most beautiful and strong woman I have ever known and she fought cancer with everything she had! After chemo and surgery she beat it and in Feb 2018 we thought we were in the clear. Jan 2019 I was driving to work listening to ice cubes “It was a good day” and I got a call from mum who was going in for a check up, the cancer had come back. This time it was more aggressive! Mum wasn’t responding as well to treatments and even began having allergic reactions to them and on the 27/11/2019 mum passed. I was there when she passed and every day before she passed. I saw the horrible things cancer does and watched my mum fight and suffer and take her last breath. I am so angry at cancer and I just can’t get the images and smells out of my head. I hold so much guilt for the lost time mum and I had because of her stupid partner and for everything and anything I’ve ever done to make her upset or angry. I feel like these memories of me stressing her out as a teen just pop up and the amount of guilt and sadness I feel is crippling! If I hear an ambulance or hear that ice cube song I break down! Anything to do with someone’s mum, (even in movies), I break down. If I think of mum and look at my kids I break down. She fought to be here for my sons 1st bday and passed away 6days later and she never got the chance to meet my daughter, (she’s 5months old). I can’t even be happy for my dads bday anymore. I have had almost 2years of grieving and I feel like it’s getting worse and like it is never going to get better. Is this normal? Is anyone else feeling this way? Does it get better? I’m just really tired of all the pain and I just miss mum! 

[Daughter001]

I am sorry you are feeling so much pain and grief. It is hard when our loved ones pass before we can talk to them about tensions in our relationship or regrets. If you can find a good counsellor or similar to help you work through those big feelings it can really help. Grief is tough and I wish you all the best xx

[LindaG]

Hi Cindyclaire, so sorry you lost your mum. My mum died a year ago and I still grieve for her and some days I still just cry. 8 months before she died I had to put her into care as I was no longer able to look after her which I had done since my dad died the year before. Then covid came, was not allowed to visit mum for 2 months, had to pack up her home and decide what to keep and what to give away. It was a terrible time and when she died the guilt I had for putting her into care and everything else was overwhelming. Someone suggested writing a letter to mum and putting my feelings on paper. I started writing her a letter and just said sorry for so many things. It really did help me and there were things I said in the letter that I didn’t know were on my mind. Just a suggestion that you might want to try. I still miss her terribly but the guilt is going. Love and prayers to you 💕🙏

[Wegotthis]

Cindy 

Sorry to hear about your mom passing. 

My father died on my 23rd birthday. 

My mother came home and died in my bedroom from kidney failure. 

When I was 12 my mom left my dad and moved out of state without telling me. 

She left my 10 year old brother and I. 

My dad became a suicidal alcoholic. 

My mother remarried . Had a new family. So did my dad. But either one of my parents had room for my brother and I. We were pretty much left to take care of ourselves. We drifted from one family member to another. 

I quit school when I was 17 to work and raise my brother. 

I hated my parents. I became a dad at 19.

To make this story shorter. 

Because I was a father I didn't have time to worry about my parents  and the past .

Seriously think about this. 

Everytime we waste worrying about things we can't change takes away the joy we have. 

When both of my parents needed help I was there to take care of them. I did it more because they once were great parents. 

I choose to remember the great things they did as parents. I  learned what not to do from there mistakes. 

I'm now a 55 year old married grandfather. 

I have a rare blood cancer that I getting treatment for. 

You may find this hard to believe but my family and I don't worry about it.  Our adult kids have families and children to worry about and take care of. 

I have always taken the job as a family leader and role model seriously . My family is handling my health problems well because I'm also. They know that I have a great chance of beating this. But they also know that in the future that it may come back. 

I wish everyone would talk to our oldest son about my cancer. He would tell everyone that he doesn't care or is worried about it. 

He has learned that he can't control everything that happens in life. He's to busy enjoying his awesome wife and daughter's. 

He is a much better man and dad than I'm. 

Ask him my he is 🙂

I hope you find away to move pass what is troubling you.  Sounds like you have great reasons to enjoy life because you are a mom.

God welling one day you'll be a grandma. 

There is ony one thing more enjoyable than the sounds of happy laughing children. 

And that is the day you become a grandparent...