Lost

[Olive1540]

I have a great family. And some amazing friends. No girlfriend. Just my beautiful dog. All that and i still can’t talk to them about how i feel. 

3 weeks ago i buried my big brother. He had his 40th in February. For 3 years he had been fighting brain cancer. I can’t even pronounce what tumour he had but they also called it The Terminator. It was one of the worst ones. 

It was a major shock at the start, but after a couple surgeries and treatment he was fine. Kept running his own business and got on with life. But then a year ago it all went to shit. 

Id rather not get into the details as his life and symptoms are very hard to talk about. 

We eventually took him to Charlie Teo who removed alot of the tumour. As hard as it was we managed to get him home to our local hospital. But then caught an infection and was unresponsive. 

For weeks we thought this was going yo get him but in the end the tumour had its own plans so within 1 month, it didn’t grow back in the original spot it went straight for his brain. There was nothing any of us could do. 

We were by his side through his final moments. And he went peacefully. 

But now I’m lost. 

He was my best friend. 

What do i do.....

[kg]

I can't give you any insight on what to do that will really help.   I haven't been in your position but don't think the pain and angusih go.  I've read Leigh Sales book and with the various life expeiences she talked with others about who had lost so many loved ones in the worst situations there doesn't seem to be any way but to just do one day at a time.  Just a platitude I know.  Others on this site will be in a much better position than I am to give you advice but I wanted to write to say I'm so sorry you've had this experience.  One consulation should be that you sought intervention from a doctor who's prepared to take on very difficult/pretty hopeless cases even if it didn't help you'll always know you gave it your very best shot.  I hope with time the memories will ease the pain a bit. 

[Olive1540]

Thankyou for your msg it was really nice. I’m not much of a reader but occasionally i do grab a book and can’t put it down. I might give this one a shot. ❤️

[kg]

Lost, It's a very easy book to read because each chapter is about one person's experiences and how they coped with it.  Like the Lindt Cafe, the landslide a Thredbo and the Port Arthur shooting.   

[Olive1540]

Ok cool well stories like that really do interest me so i will have a look. Thankyou

[Tarari]

 I’m sorry for your loss...I don’t know what it is to lose a brother but I understand what you mean about not being able to talk to friends and family etc. I was the same. 

It may sound strange but when my grandmother past away, (the closest person to me in my life) the only person I could talk to was her.

I told her how much pain I was in, how Lonely I felt, how angry I was that she left me......everything I wanted her to know. I knew she was listening. I’d also decided that I would never be scared of death, because I knew that when my time came she would be there waiting for me. As an 18 year old at the time, I didn’t know if it was normal to feel this way but I did.

I talk to her all the time and I don’t think about the sickness and pain she suffered at the end, I remember always the warmth of her embrace, how she loved me and cherish all the beautiful memories I have of her. I visit her grave and talk to her there too, ask her for guidance etc. I know she’s always with me. She passed away more than 20 years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday.

This is just a little story about a woman I loved who raised me from birth. I hope my story can help you in some way deal with what you’re going through. 

Stay strong, you will find your own way to get through this and you will get through x