Hi all,
This is so sensitive and it is eating away at me and I need your help.
My Father passed away 2 weeks ago tomorrow (Monday), his service was held only 1 week ago tomorrow (Monday).
When my Dad was diagnosed I asked him what he wanted done with his ashes and he told me to do whatever I wanted to he didn't care, didn't have a preference.
My Father was a very private man and I didn't know alot of what he did outside of his relationship with me.
Some "friends" he had had for the past 16 years (so they say) came in to the picture and acted as though they had his best interests at heart, it seems to have turned out that there are some ulterior motives to this (but I prefer not to go into detail).
When his friend showed me a photo of the farm my father would go holidaying to, I fell inlove with the scenery and I asked my Dad if he would like some of his ashes to go there, he agreed but it wasn't with any enthusiasum (like I said he didn't really care).
As time passed I found that Dad was not happy with these so called friends and felt they were using him to source materials and to build the farm house. I contacted people who confirmed this was the case so I pondered my decision quietly.
On the day of Dad's service they very insensitively bailed me up and told me "they had heard rumours about my decision and basically demanded they be given a part of my Dad. (who does that on the day of the service) they also had the adacity to ask me when they would be ready. For God's sakes I had only just left my Dad's service :(
Yesterday (Saturday) I received a phone call from them starting off with the pleasentries how am I etc. then was hit with "we are holding a memorial for your Dad on the farm on 3rd Nov, so could we have the ashes. I was gobsmacked I explained that I didn't even have him with me yet and it could take weeks they can't seem to comprehend why it takes a little while. Talk about insensitive.
I then made the decision after talking with my family and friends that I would call and tell them I wasn't parting with the ashes and my beautiful Aunty told me she heard one them on the day of the service huffing and puffing and saying "I bette get what I was f!@#ing promised!!"
I rang I was very calm and said that I had heard they were having problems and told them that someone had heard them say the above comment, I told them what they had done was incredibly insensitive, no apology was given I was just met with silence, for some reason I didn't have the strength to end it then and there and made the mistake of saying we need to talk more in person.
I don't want to talk more, I have made my decision, they very clearly helped me to make this decision, but yet I am still not entirely comfortable, I know I don't want to change my mind, I know that my Dad would be horrified if he were here to tell me how poorly they were treating me, yet I am still uneasy.
What would you do.
Thank you XO
