Thanks Linda
I had the scan and Im still waiting I guess they will ring me sometime today or tomorrow for an appointment at the clinic hopefully the clinic will still be open (one of my fears) I was told I had cancer over the phone and I dont cope so well with that method but at the same time if it helps in saving time Ill wear the anguish. Worse part for me is its like a prison sentence Every morning iI wake up its the first thing that comes into my mind "Ive got cancer" Its struggle to pull yourself up from that low point to some kind of functioning human whose been told to wait essentially go on with your life until we call you in for the next awful plot change (because you can only imagine the worst right?). Im also having to cope with family who are trying to figure out what their role is in all of this noone knows what they are supposed to be doing. But there is an angel in all of it my lovely sister who is a nurse and she lets me ring her whenever I need to (I dont though because she is a nurse and is coping with 2 of her kids with covid) I keep it to once a day and she calms and reassures me and explains things and has helped me not become a complete mess. Im so grateful for my sister at the moment. Im sure my husband will figure it out and be there when I truly need him and I do understand the absolute trauma of the thought of losing your partner. Im also really mad how we deal with death in our culture because we have made it out to be such a scary awful painful thing that when we are put in a position of facing it like having cancer the fear of it is just as debilitating as the cancer. Its like the cancer even if it cant physically invade our minds its found a way of invading it too. Society really needs to change how we view death I dont want my daughter having to face the fear of end the way Ive been conditioned to. Anyway ramblings of a newly diagnosed cancer person a mind that goes everywhere hey?🙃 Sorry Im directing it at you but I think you can see that Im just getting it out of my head in a safe place where others might understand these thoughts and feelings. So Ill wait get up now and make my husband a coffee (dont worry we take it in turns 😎) and see what the day brings. I came here to actually write down all the things Im grateful for today so Ill do that and then get up fight the mental fog (so awful had that for months now just didnt know it was the cancer causing it) take my beautiful doggie for a walk and try to get through the day.
THINGS IM GRATEFUL FOR TODAY
!. My wonderful sister
2. My loving family and friends
3. My dog and cat who have stayed close to me and given me such comfort.
4. My new mattress!
5. This service that is really helping me cope.
Thankyou Linda for replying to me it made me cry...I hope you are doing well and are well with your experience of cancer at least in a place of peace. Stay safe from the covid and again thanks it was a dose of good spirits to hear from you. All the Best 🙂
