OMG what has just happened. 3 days ago I was a normal 60 year old enjoying life and my grandkids. Today I feel like I have been hit by a 10-ton truck. I can't stop crying - I just feel so alone. I have a wonderful network of family and friends but I still feel alone. I am imagining the most terrible things and cannot breathe - and they tell you stay calm and try not to be stressed. OMG -
I am 60 and was diagnosed with a head and neck cancer just over a year and a half ago. At first it is unbelievably hard but hopefully with treatment things will start to look better.
As Peanutz said keep posting.
Hi there Locky,
as Peanutz and Silly have said, blog about it.
I know its a cliche however time is the only element that adjusts your view of the world and your diagnosis. Its difficult at the time of diagnosis because you are overwhelmed by information.
We (c/connections) are ordinary people like yourself and we all understand.....just blog away and say everything and anything. There is no judgement here.
One thing is for sure though, you will take 2 steps forward and 10 steps backwards.....however you are moving forward slowly......keep the focus on moving forward.
Oh most importantly, be kind to yourself.....don't push yourself, love yourself with your grankids, walking or hobbies. It doesn't matter if you can't concentrate for too long, the important step is that you applied yourself....
Also stay away from the internet. Your diagnosis and treatment is individual like you. Stories on the internet are other persons individual diagnosis and treatments....trust me, I scared the life out of myself.
I think it hits most of us like that. In the early days of confusion it can be hard to know what to do. I think the crying is part of the shock. When I was fIrst diagnosed the doctor who gave me the news had some valuable advice - some of which has been reiterated here. He told me not to try to figure out what to do without all the facts, not to search through the internet where I would find so many conflicting views. He told me to wait till I had spoken to the specialists and had a clear idea of my individual circumstances before I tried to make sense of it. Then I would be in a position to make a plan and gain some control over my life.
In the mean time, putting your thoughts and fears down here, and finding that others have felt the same way at some time, can help when you can't tell your family and friends.
I know how you feel. I was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer. Terminal. I have lost all my friends. All my family. Everyone. My father knew for 2 years I was dying and didnt try to make contact. My 2 sisters have not called or spoken to me in 3 years. My friends are the same. My best friend of 35 years turned out to be a fraud. We no longer speak.
My sisters have tried to turn my mother against me as well. I am a broken man. At 52, I thought my life would not end up like this.
They all make out that I am to blame. I am bedridden and in constant pain but I am to blame. I cant comprehend this. I dont know what I have done. Even my wife of 25 years and my 2 boys 18 and 21 have kept their distance from me. I have been a good father, husband and friend. It all started when I was shot in the line of duty a few years ago and nearly died. Everyone started to push me away. Then the cancer. No one wanted anything to do with me. I have no more tears. Just overwhelming pain and heart break. I need help and advice. This is killing me but I want to die now. I want to be at peace. Dear god someone help me. Please. ashes
Can I suggest that you see your local GP and complete a GP mental health check? This, with a referral, is what you need to be able to get to see a clinical psychologist.
Just a suggestion. It's what I did.
I agree with the comment about blogging it. It is useful to have somewhere you feel that you have a voice. We are here to listen. I know that, when I was diagnosed, this place was a very useful forum for me. It helped me get through those early days and it still helps when I need it now.
Thanks for you reply. And your advice. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for a couple of years now since I was shot. It has been helping me deal with the post traumatic stress and loss of my career. He has also been helping me deal with having terminal cancer.
The bottom line is there is nothing that anyone can say or do that can change anything.
Except that it helps to talk to someone. I am a very strong person and have dealt with alot of dramas in my short life. I am too strong to ever take my own life but I pray daily for it to end. You must understand that there is no reprise from the daily pain and loneliness. There is no chance of a cure. My fate is sealed. How does anyone deal with that? Sorry to be so negative. It's just how I feel.
So many people give advice after they have beaten the cancer and are in remission. Sure they have been through it all but its different when you have a finite time to live.
It's now 430am and time for pain killers. Its actually funny when you think about it!
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.