Hi Butterfly, yes my life is good now, but remember I am 6 years this Australia day since my diagnosis and you are barely 2 years!!! I had the common childhood form of luekaemia called Acute Lymphoblastic Luekaemia (ALL). this type of luek is much rarer in kids over the age of 16. it also subtypes in various complicated and understucied forms. with my sub type, there were only 10 other recorded cases in the world. i have some stuff to hare with you as your posting brings back memories for me... memories of the tough times i had after my treatment finished.... when my emotions caught up with me. its a wierd phase of cancer.... that part of finishing my treatment and fitting back into society BUT i was a different person with new values and a new way of looking at life - ie life is precious! basically during this time i drove my family and friends crazy, as i often felt angry, lonlely, misunderstood, nervous and depressed. i searched for a some sort of counselling health professional to talk to about my emotions, but could not find one on regional NSW who had a background and knowledge of cancer issues. this difficult time seemed to drag on and on and i was so worried that my bad state of mind would bring back my cancer. But i got through it and i am now amazingly happy to the point that my family and i can look back at this time and laugh at how nuts I was. I think it was my greiving period of loosing the life i had and having the confidence to grow into my new life ahead. it must be hard for you also being a mum and going through the recovery phase of cancer. enough sleep is so very important... especially for us patients who have had chemo/radio/surgery etc. this is when your body heals and your fragment mind gets put back together to face another day in a more positive mind set. try to get enough sleep, whether that is taking nana naps during the day or speaking to your hubby to support you with the weekends to have a sleep in until your body is ready to awaken you, not the kids etc. if these are not an option, mini meditiation sessions are an awesome way to clear the mind and re-energise. i used mediation alot, and still do. have you dabbled in it? i also had 2 male friends with ALL at the RMH hospital i was being treated at. i loved their company. they were my mentors. one was 18 and admitted 3 days before me and the other 40+ and was 3 months ahead of me in treatment. our treatment protocol was 54 weeks of intensive chemo administerd in hospital. we would get o go home for a day here and their but spent alot of time fighting various infections in varoius wards in hosptial. unfortunatley both men died about 9 months into my treatment and i was alone and very scared. but i had my amazing family and a female haematologist who was so compasionate. at the time that my mates passed away i was also extremeley sick with menengitis caused from the chemo, and was on massive doses of morphine. i was basiaclly in and out of a dreamy conciousness for 4 months. my treatment was stopped and i was sent home 1 and a half years after my initial diagnosis. I remained on morphine for another 9 months. when ever i think about these 2 men i feel so sad. sad that they had to go through such a horrible treatment and did not make it. but it is also these men who give me my strength to find better ways to help the young adult age group - like us. ...you are so right in saying that its hard to move on, even when your family want to forget about it because yout treatment has finished and you look better- BUT they need to realise that our cancer is going to be a part of us for the rest of our lives, and our family and us - combined must deal with it and not push it aside. they/we need to realise that our emotions - post cancer (not just the physical effects) are also a part of the journey! so keep your head held up high and communicate as much as you can about the way you feel. I found this to be the best way forward for me. i hope this helps best,nikki
