Hi Evaboo
You are very welcome. I completely understand some of the thought patterns that go through your head at a time like this. I have found it a very personal and lonely experience but I have realised that to talk to someone who has had or is having the same experience is very comforting. Although they have been few.
The uncertainty of a diagnosis leaves you open for a lot of guessing. The way I look at it though, it is important to keep the stress levels as low as possible to remain mentally and physically well. Easier said than done I know.
The last couple of days before results were like and emotional roller coaster ride for me so if that hapens to you know that it is normal to feel that way.
Yes you have those three scenarios and 2 of them are best case the third not so. I hope you fall into category 1 or 2. However they can do amazing things these days and positive thinking is much better for your stress levels and therefore your immune system.
As for being a fraud, when I first recieved my cancer diagnosis I got proactive put all the neccessary services in place and made myself aware of the resources available to me. I am a realist. That included joining CC. I had that very same thought. That I would get it all out there, have the hysterectomy and be given the all clear, problem solved. Me making a big deal out of nothing and hence being a fraud when so many others are really going through the real deal. However it is all scary stuff whether the end resuts are postive or negative. The waiting, medical words, feelings of isolation and loneliness, tests, operations, needles, wondering and predicting so don't be hard on yourself. For me it is certain, I have cancer and there are cancer cells still in me. I am going to radiotherapy. I am waiting for my radiotherapy oncology appointment to find out the legnth, depth and type of treatment to expect. No going back unfortuntely.
I will keep positive its the one thing that cannot be controlled by cancer, I will have down times but I will try to make them as few as possible. I have had some very strong people in my life who have had cancer and they have fought the battle with stregnth and determination, so will I. I have to I have 2 beautiful kids to watch become adults and do all the adult things, I want to get my degree, I want to do honours, I have plans and I have been told plans are good. Thats way more real to me than anything else at this stage of the game. You will find your inner stregnth if you look for it.
Juno
