Anxiety about cancer returning..

[tisme]

i am post breast cancer just had my second annual scan all clear in January, but now I worry if it has gone else where , maybe Im being crazy but I thought of Ovarian, I talked to my doc who said he didnt want to do any thing that would expose me to more radiation  but im so afraid it is , i feel sick.  there is just me and my 37 yo autistic daughter  thought I had friends but I dont.  thought about getting a second opinion but no one is available for two weeks.  I dread to suggest that it could be an increased dose of anti depressants but the symptoms dont all fit and if i suggested it docs tend to stick to one thing and forget about the rest.  brother and father died from cancer , mum died of other things thought I had friends but I dont Ive never felt so alone, I have some understanding of what your going through Jill 

[OzStu]

Hi Jill

Like you, I thought I had friends.  I consider very few of them real friends since my cancer battle.  The sadist thing in my life happened right in the middle of by battle with cancer, and that was an argument via txt msgs with my son, my only child,  he's 35yo now, and I raised him, and until couple of years ago we were very close, then he started drifting away and got really hard to stay involved with him.  When my cancer came,  he made of a bit of an effort for a short while, then my txts went unanswered, and my calls,  and I had a go at him about that, and he hit the roof and told me to piss off and he wants nothing to do with me anymore.  Haven't been able to contact him in over a year.  My bro is the only family member that had anything more then nice words for me.  He came and stayed at my place through the worst of it,  and enabled me to stay out of hospital. 

All my ear, nose throat examinations have been cancelled for last 9 months due to covidphobia.  All I've had has been useless telephone conversations since my post treatment pet scan 3 months after me chemo and radiation.   I have just recently found out that the Dr's and everybody else at the clinic gave me inflated chances of beating it......at around 70%.  I have been reading the old reports from my biopsies and came across a term and wondered what it meant.   I researched it and found that it mean's my cancer has a slightly different mutation then the usual cancer of this type, and renders it much more aggressive with higher recurrence rates even after successful treatment with only a 40% 2 year survival rate. 

I've been having aches and pains in the area,   In spite of that, my last examination was cancelled early Jan because of a few covid cases over 100klm away in melb eastern subs,  I'm in Geelong.

So I'm back to thinking I'm  probably screwed and it's a matter of time.   And alone......yes.  I live alone,  work a grave yard shift,  my only son has abandoned me,   I suppose that's why I'm here.

I know how you must feel.  Our situation can probably really only be fully appreciated by someone in, or has been in same boat.

Stu  xo

[OzStu]

@tisme 

My msg above was to you.  I accidently typed Jill

[tisme]

Ive had a bad weekend worrying about what it could be i cant see the doc till Thursday ( GP ) im expecting he will say he cant do anymore scans cos Ive had enough radiation with the breast cancer and MRI for Chiari 1   but what do u do ?? theres only me and autistic daughter left now dont have friends anymore ( people ask why) its not from a lack of trying .  tried so hard the last year to lose weight due to non al fatty liver and I did , 30kg but it seems to be coming back as well as swelling .  Psychol last time ( a month or more ago said I was burned out ) but the crap keeps coming .  today daughter was really ill   Ive spent my life caring for everyone else , when do I get to have some fun /or at least peace n quiet ??   if it is cancer I dont know how I will get to treatment i cant drive that far , cant use public transport or even centacare mini buses sheesh wat next

[OzStu]

@tisme 

Sounds like you and I have some similar probs.  I'm supposed to have had 4 physical examinations since treatment ended by now, or by early April.......I've had none........zero.  Every time they make the appointment for them they get cancelled.due to corona virus concerns.  It's ridiculous,  they are putting peoples lives at risk.  I can never have the radiation treatment again because I've had the max that I can have.....for life.  And chemo alone does bugger all to stop this type of cancer. That only leaves surgery, and that will only be effective if they catch a new growth early, before it spreads elsewhere......so what do they do......cancel all my appointment a few days before it happens. 

Well done on the weight loss, but I suspect your weight loss was the same as mine......Chemo and Radiation diet LOL  It works wonders.  Trouble is it starts coming back once you get healthy again.......mine started back....but I am determined to keep the one positive thing about the whole treatment......so I started walking heaps and doing a little light weight training.....and I have cut sugar out of my diet......no chocy, icecream, sweet stuff unless its artificial sweeteners.......and my weight is stable now and still 20kgs less then before I got cancer.  I'm good with this weight....I look fit, solid, and healthy. 

You mentioned swelling.  Get checked for lymphadema.  You may need compression garmets and special massage to keep that away......and not keeping it away does have bad consequences down the line.  Keeping weight off helps with that too, in fact many people find that after drastic weight loss lymphadema goes away. 

Friendship should be based on matters of the heart and personality shouldn't it.  But in fact,  making friends is harder if your overweight, unfit,  sick,  etc because you don't feel like engaging in things that increase chances of developing friendships.   So fight hard to get your weight down, be fitter and more active and able to enjoy more activities.   Diet is very important, but i've found at  my age now.......by itself it does not do it alone.......you gotta move......and not just for an hour a day......spend a good deal of you day doing something....anything.......walk,  do gardening......housework.....anything that keeps you moving.  Don't get stuck on front of the TV or any screen........even this one.  Come here, have a whing......chat to people, and then go and do stuff.   If you have physical problems......get profesional help.....try the pool......even just walking around waist high in water is great for burning cals.   There is always a way.

You can find friends here.  I hope so anyway.  I didn't come here just to unload my thoughts on a screen. 

Hear from you soon

[tisme]

i had breast cancer two years ago now,  mid or so last year i was told I had non alcoholic fatty liver and had to lose weight so I did , cut out sugar /way down on carbs . 6 weeks ago i weighed 75 kg last week it was 78kg ( i see a dietician) i too walk everyday 

[OzStu]

@tisme 

Ok, so you are putting on half a kilo per week.  Look up how many kilojoules are in half a kilo of fat.  That's how many kilojoules you either half it cut from diet per week, or burn up from activity.....without adding any more by eating that pack of choc biscuits in your cupboard......you know the one  🙂

It's not surprising that I started putting weight back on when I think about it.  I had massive radiation to neck, throat, mouth......taste went,  everything tasted like shit......and radiation burned up everything and was on a feeding tube into my stomach.  I could eat soft stuff a couple weeks after treatment....but it tasted like crap for ages.   Once my taste returned I wanted to eat everything in sight.  And I'd been used to sitting around doing nothing for ages......because the chemo made me fatigued and tired.   So it was hard to get moving again.   I done exactly what i just told you......looked at the weight gain over the weeks......and worked out how much more exercise I had to do and how much to cut from what I eat.   I lost 2 kilos......then stayed stable.  Once I got back to working......I found I was able to eat a little more without gaining.

I actually feel better now one year after treatment stopped then I even felt one year before I had cancer.   Weight really does put a drag on you and suck your energy away.  Apparently it is an increased risk factor for cancer too.  That fatty liver thing you mentioned.......apparently that is a risk for primary liver cancer.  I have  a friend who is dying from that right now.   He's not expected to see xmas.   He's exhausted all treatment options and is now on home hospice care. 

What do you like to do, or would you like to do.  What activities would you enjoy, swimming,  cycling,  bushwalking?   Think of things that make exercise fun.   xo

[tisme]

my dietician says Im not eating enough , I have one of those food sheets where I enter everything I eat ( no cheating ) 

[OzStu]

@tisme 

Yeah I had one of those annoying dietitians too.  In the end I told them to bugger off.  I don't want to put weight on.  I had high blood pressure before I lost weight.  I don't have that anymore.   If I listened to them I would be back to being fat and have high blood pressure and get puffed climbing a few flights of stairs.   Those idiots would be happy until I was back tot eh weight I was before I started treatment.   Put it this way..........I'm 5'11".  I weighed 115kgs before treatment.  I bottomed out at 85kgs at my lightest......with almost a six pack.   I'm 93kgs now,  feel a lot better, am fitter,  no high blood pressure, and I look fit, strong,  and healthy.   If I had of lost the weight I lost without chemo and radiation treatment they would be saying......fantastic......you will be much fitter and healthier......but because I was recovering from treatment they want me to put all the weight back on.......madness.   I can understand them being like that with someone who was normal weight and went drastically underweight, but for you and I who had kilos to spare it's actually no problem having lost a lot of weight.   I consider it the one positive thing about the treatment........and I aint giving it up lol 

[tisme]

i came down from 104kg to 75 kg when I look back Ive pretty much done it on my own , he hasnt given me a diet to follow I found one on my own