The mother of someone I know went to her small town, kindly oncologist who told her she had 6 months to live. She calculated that date and drew a circle around it on her calendar. Then, every day she put a X on the current date. As her kids got wise to her actions, they told her that she could plan her life rather than her death. She refused to go to a nearby university hospital for a, perhaps, more informed second opinion. She just kept declining as she got closer to the circle on her calendar. She died on that fatal day. It all went as planned; not the day before or the day after but just as she was told by her trusted expert.
We all must check out one day, but nobody knows that day until it arrives. (Has anyone noticed that doctors get licenses to "Practice?") In the many cancer clinics I've been to, I've met dozens of people who were told years earlier that there was no hope and given a prognosis of 6 months or a year. One man was told he wouldn't last the night -- a friend came in and convinced him to take some supplements and some Toco powder through his feeding tube. In 61 days he was again climbing hills on his farm. That was over 20 years ago.
As cancer patient, we sometimes are the center of attention and we trust the people who love us. And we all are doing the best we know. I say a life is worth more than a drama and we know this viscerally. I've seen the attraction of that drama, including the possible release from the long struggle. The answer for me is to find out where I'm failing to speak my truth and dance my dance so that passing discomfort just emphasizes the value of life. My first oncologist (whose treatment kept my cancer at bay for 10 years) told me, "I can't save your life; I can do surgery and radiation, but only you can do that by making your life so much fun and so joyous you just don't have time to die."
I can't go cosmic when beautiful people die. I can salute their life, celebrate their fulfillment and acknowledge my own incomplete information. But let's help each other stick around a while. Let's turn on to our own power and retrieve the power we've given to "smarter" friends and professionals who love us but unknowingly fill us with fear.
A few of Sharon's rules:
I get the docs to agree that we are in partnership for working on my life not my death. We also agree that I will let him/her know when I'm going to die. If they equivocate on these ("Of course, we do what we can buzz mumble...ahem..."), they're very nicely fired.
As Doc Warner said, "People don't die of cancer, their doctors scare them to death." If I can, my second opinion is not from someone with the same clinic.
Links?
The UK is ahead of us in some ways medically:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/8125564/A-life-with-incurable-breast-cancer.html
Mainstream medicine is making some good discoveries, though still use toxic solutions that should more often be reserved for immediate control rather than the only ongoing choice:
http://yalepress.typepad.com/fightingcancer/2009/10/when-the-diagnosis-is-incurable-cancer.html
People w/incurable diagnoses connect:
http://www.cancerconnections.com.au/content/incurable-cancer
Help for advanced cancer treatment (and don't wait until your doc gives up) http://www.cancertutor.com/
Just google words like hope for csancer, cancer cures, breakthroughs--and stuff like that. See you in the Funnies! Love!
This poem is from a young girl in New York who was told she had six months. She has given up hope because she was given no power, just a "verdict." I sent her friend your forum's website--that's how I got here! You can give her back her life if she checks in. Thanks and much love, --Sharon
SLOW DANCE
Have you ever
watched
kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to
the
rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a
butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the
fading
night?
You better slow down.
Don't
dance so
fast.
Time is short.
The music
won't
last.
Do you run through each day
On
the
fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear
the
reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie
in your
bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through
your head?
You'd better
slow down
Don't dance so
fast.
Time is
short.
The music won't
last.
Ever told your
child,
We'll do it
tomorrow?
And in your
haste,
Not see
his
sorrow?
Ever lost
touch,
Let a good
friendship die
Cause you
never had time
To call
and say,'Hi'
You'd
better slow down.
Don't dance
so fast.
Time
is short.
The music won't
last..
When you run
so fast to get somewhere
You
miss half the fun of getting
there.
When you worry and hurry
through your
day,
It is like an unopened
gift....
Thrown
away.
Life is not a
race.
Do take it
slower
Hear the
music
Before the song is
over.
