Prostate Cancer post open operation

[Grandpa]

I have told my son I regret having the open operation for prostate cancer.  I should never have had the operation.  I should have just accepted my fate and lived with it.  He is arguing with me saying I am wrong, and  you are alive and you still have your grandsons, me and my wife.  I have told him the quality of my life now is not as good as it was before the operation.

He argues I  should have had the operation back in 2012 like the doctors told you, and to suck it up and hang in there.   I say the doctors and my son and others who I have talked to are wrong in my case.  It was not for me.

When I wear the incontinence pants I am most uncomfortable.  They seem to squeeze urine out uncontrolablly.  I am better off not wearing them.   Everything has shrunk since taking the solidex (a female hormone) and is even further after the operation  and is compress in the incontinence pants.  Anyhow, I am not comfortable and I am not happy.

Australia day I told my son I did not like sharing him or his family with anyone.  A dark demon I seem to be living with since the operation.  I told my son he is quoting from Google knowledge and books and is not a qualified or experienced doctor on this subject.  My son seems to think I would have died yesterday had I  not had the operation.  He has not spoken to me yet since Australia Day.

I think I have upset him somehow.  Don't know and that is  upsetting me even more than I am now.  My son is everything to me in the world.  The last thing I want to do is upset him but he gets so positive and aggressive with his Google knowledge he is adimate he is correct.  My argueing does not help the situation.  Particularly when we have both had a few beers.

I go into hospital this thursday to have my bowell concer stoma bag reversed.  Hopefully my mental state will get back to normal after that and things will be all good with my son again.  I do not have anyone else.  I am divorced 2003  and 99 percent of my friends are now dead.

At 67 I'm happy to live with whatever years I have ahead of me.  I am not afraid of death.  I live for today.   It is not who I was.  It is not what I have done.  It is what I can do now and what I can to tomorrow  It is who I am now.

[Ally69]

HI, 

Your son is just worried, these days Google is the  main source for the next generation, unfortunately Google is just information and it is not specific too just you, your experience,the many variables that everyone has with this scary disease. It is his fear for wanting to know exactly what is what.

Maybe take him to your next appointment ? he can then find out that even the professionals can only work with what is now.  I have gained the courage to ask the questions i thought i was never able to, and even then, sometimes there just is no definative answer, it is frustrating for us, that alone for them, the ones that love you and just need to know.   

I guess when you are of a certain age, it is expected of others that you just do what you need too, that the side affects like you are experiencing having to wear diapers, you should just deal with.

Unfortunately there is what you have to deal with, and what you yourself feel about that, i think that gets lost in the equation. Like, your alive ! isnt that whats inportant ! 

Just because you are alive, doesn't mean that what you have to do to remain that way, is pleasant or kind.

I am sorry that you are going through what you are, reach out to your son, maybe explain these things, its ok to let him know how you feel about being you right now, Google cant explain that, but you can.        

[Wilko]

 Hi Grandpa

Hang in there and go with the flow (No pun intended).

I was diagnosed at 62 and since then have had an open radical prostatectomy, 32 sessions of radiation, 3 shots in the tummy of Zoladex (I think you called it  soladex) a treatment holiday when a 10 cm tumour grew in the lymph nodes around C2-C4, 26 more sessions of radiation and lucrin - another hormone treatment for three years now and for life. (As I understand it these are not female hormones but are hormone blockers to stop your testosterone from happening - hope that makes you feel better that you are not getting female hormones).

Since being diagnosed I have travelled with my caravan over 100, 000 kms and been to every capital city on mainland Oz.  If this is gunna get me it will have to chase me as I am not sitting around waiting.

So I suppose what I am getting at - is that I agree with your son - you are alive and enjoy your grandsons.  Accept where you are but talk to continence specialists about your situation and they may be able to help you.  

I don't like the cards that I have been dealt but I have learnt to deal with them.

All the best with your next procedure and keep smiling!  Cheers 

[kj]

Unfortunately hindsight is a wonderful thing,it would be hard to accept wearing those incontinence underwear,especially with the difficulties and discomfort you are experiencing.

Possibly your son has taken your words very personal and out of context but at this moment in time,reach out and explain the love and feelings you have for them all, don’t let it go on like it is,and have a wedge driven between you both ,at this very difficult time in you want your family beside you.

When making decisions about quality of life versus quantity ,we have to respect the patients decision they  have the final say.

Have you had a chat to your GP about your health and feelings,I had a few chats to mine during my treatment ,I got some good advice to help me cope.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you,I just took it one day at a time.