The fear of cancer / tumour returning

[Teacher_Mum]

Hi there, Had a blast - although the demons have returned with the news that one of our beautiful students lost her fight against an aggressive cancer which reminded me again just how precious life is and once again, called the Cancer Helpline. There was a sense of 'disappointment' in our household that I was 'doing so well' and 'something like this' made me 'sad' again. Right now I am feeling a tad cross and a bit miffed. Jules I got your message, thanking you 🙂 Its nice to be remembered he he 🙂 Grrrr. I dont know I am trying to detox and destress. I have booked myself into one of those look good feel great programs - I mentioned to the lady look I have my hair although its short and may not be much of it since I will be doing the Worlds Greatest Shave - but I have a really big hysterectomy scar if that counts...she thought it was funny. Hope you guys are going ok. Ta for listening to my intellectual and emotional vomit. Teach. xxx

[samex]

Hi Teacher Mum, It's interesting how much more sensitised we are to bad news. It is shattering to hear of your student. I lost it at one stage last year when the father of one of my yr 12 kids died 2 weeks before the HSC. After roll call I just went back to the staff room and sobbed. Glad that the trip was fun, however. Enjoy the girly thing!

[Sailor]

Hi There Teacher Mum Good to get your posting and to read your responses to what life throws at us. In spite of all the other stuff that goes on, on this site and elsewhere, you can still feel kicked in the guts now and then. Just before Christmas I attended the funeral of a lovely lady who had been such a campaigner on behalf of those affected by cancer. Cancer finally caught up with her, two years after it was expected. Two good years with good quality of life. Last Friday I attended another funeral - a friend who was just so active, diagnosed with liver cancer and dead three weeks later. Two days ago another friend 'phoned me asking for some help. Six weeks ago she was given "No evaluable disease' status following a rare cancer of the small intestine. She was taking a break from chemo and went in for repair of a hernia. They discovered a whole lot of cancer that was not there six weeks ago, including ascites! It really takes it out of you! So congratulations on what you are doing and have real laugh at the 'look good feel good' program with your shaved head and hyster scar. Cheers Sailor A strong nor’-wester ’s blowing, Bill! Hark! don’t ye hear it roar now? Lord help ’em, how I pities them Unhappy folks on shore now! The Sailor’s Consolation

[Jules2]

Hey Teach Glad to hear you had a blast!! Sorry to hear about the student and yes that sort of thing haappens sadly. I went to a funeral today of a man who was 49 and he just died in his sleep. I think the thing with all of this is finding a balance in our thoughts. There are people that do die from cancer but alternatively there are a heck of a lot of people who survive. My first cancer that i was diagnosed with i was given a month to live or perhaps x amount of years. They didnt know and it was really a case of "time will tell" and yet when they rang me with some results from my clear out operation the news was not good according to them. 3 out of 18 nodes were infected. Well, i said to the surgeon that called ... tyvm but i will take those odds. There was a somewhat stunned silence on the phone, so i went on to explain to them. I said "you could have run me and told me that more than that were infected, so ty i will take that and run with it". Sure it took some time for every little ache or cramp to not be thought about as cancer in my head, it does happen though. I think we also need to be realistic with ourselves too. In that its actually ok to be sad because really we have something to be sad about, once again the trick is to not stay there!! I hope you are feeling a little better and that you have been polishing those boots! Julie

[Teacher_Mum]

Hi there, Still feeling somewhat agitated. Seems like I have upset the family equilibrium and people are frantically trying to 'get me better'. It seems that feeling sad or down for 72 hours is a cause for concern he he 🙂 Far out! 🙂 Time for meditation and gardening methinks.

[Jules2]

Dont forget your gardening boots!

[Teacher_Mum]

Well wasn't today eventful. My little girl scrapped her ankle and I went to give it a Mummy fix and broke out in sweats, lost my vision for 10 seconds, literally took my clothes off and sat down on the bathroom floor. This in conjunction with the vertigo over the past 6 weeks, loss of memory etc hubby said time to go into emerg. After a neuro assessment of flashing lights into eyes and reflex tapping I was told I was right as rain and to go home. This is the pearler "there may be something building up but for now, you are ok." *sigh* What to do, what to do....

[Jules2]

awww hugsss teach ... stress could be the builder here yanno?? Bit of a viscious cycle and i know first hand thats a hard cycle to break at times, hence me sending you hugsss cos sometimes a hugsss is a one size fits all thing!! Julie

[Teacher_Mum]

Thanks Jules - I did some meditation last night and didnt feel so stressed this time around - just so much going on and I need to take these last 2 weeks of school holidays as relaxed as possible before the madness starts. I suppose its occasions like these that makes us more aware of our own mortality. xxx

[Jules2]

Hey Teach Glad to hear you managed some meditation. It is really a big thing when the chips are down and we can draw on past experience and things we have learnt to help us through. Yes, it does make us think of our own mortality and can bring up all those fears again. I have come to the conclusion that we go through a process. There are no short cuts in this process and its simply something that we have to go through. I try and do it through the path of least resistance. When ya down ya just gotta be there sometimes, but, am always mindful to not stay there. :) I think i am going to go for a swim today, first one for the year. I love the beach and find it incredibly soothing. Perhaps i could liken it to my meditation. take care, teach Julie