Anyone Else hate the feeling of loss of control?

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Re: Anyone Else hate the feeling of loss of control?



Even though I was diagnosed a while ago now (November last year) I've only now felt like seeking out support groups. I noticed your post because loss of control is exactly what I felt when I first found out, and what I've struggled with the most ever since. Particularly hard has been how my mother has reacted; I know she wants to help, but she's been very pushy and controlling about it, and that just intensifies the feeling that I'm not in charge of things.


I'm glad to hear that things are heading in a more positive direction for you. Things improved for me when I returned to work - it was a way to reclaim some normalcy and feel more in charge of my life. It also helps that there's some light at the end of the tunnel now, as I've finished chemo and radio therapy and have surgery ahead of me. At the same time, I have to travel to Sydney for my operation (I live in Adelaide), so I'll be all alone there, which again makes me feel like I won't be in control of things. Still, I'm trying to be optimistic.


Anyway, it was good to see someone else put into words what I was feeling. In particular, you mentioned in your first post feeling like you were in some way being taught a lesson by your diagnosis, which I have definitely found myself thinking. It's good to be able to voice these thoughts, even when we know they aren't always rational. I hope you continue to find positivity and ways to cope.


All the best,




Re: Anyone Else hate the feeling of loss of control?


Hi Henry, I'm 2 months out of treatment... next petscan isn't until end of August... I'm feeling slightly more in control now although the side effects tend to rob me of it now and then 🙂

Good luck with your surgery in Sydney... I hope it all goes well for you x

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Re: Anyone Else hate the feeling of loss of control?

Just diagnosed with ovarian cancer (early stage thank goodness but still need 4-5 months of chemo) and I totally relate to the way you feel. Suspect that’s completely normal.  Cancer did not have my permission to invade and I’ve always prided myself on being the healthiest, fittest person I know. Was in a wonderful space in my life. This wasn’t supposed to happen!  So I’m allowing the tears when they pop out of nowhere, think I deserve them. But there’s this sneaking thought it’s here to teach me something … and I intend to learn what it is.


Still, it’s very stressful. Medicos are appalling at communicating and you flail around with no clue to manage what’s going on or who to talk to. It’s taken a few weeks after the op to reach out to others (this is my first attempt). Supposed to be resting after a full hysterectomy (plus ovaries and tubes), but haven’t got a hope as trying to pack - moving next week down to Victoria in the middle of a lockdown. Plus Covid concerns, car being shipped down so no transport for 2 weeks, dealing with anger, horror and fear while trying to educate myself, farewelling folk and trying to remain upbeat … it’s overwhelming at times. 


I know you’ve moved past this, but I also suspect we swing back and forth between stages. Isn’t it fun!  And if anyone says “you’ve got this” one more time, I may have to kill them 😉


Re: Anyone Else hate the feeling of loss of control?

Hi Denise,  wow... you have a lot on your plate right now... good luck with everything, your move included... and especially with your treatment.


I had my follow up scan a couple of weeks ago and got the all clear and will be checked every 3 months by my ENT specialist and oncologist, taking turns... I actually only have to see them every 6 months but they're booking me so it works out I see one of them every 3 months...


My biggest problem is pain still... I'm off painkillers and just relying on Panadol Osteo because its slow release but I have to remember to take some in time for dinner or I can't eat... great diet though!  Not being able to eat guarantees weight loss ha ha 🙂


Take care of yourself ... and I wont say those words to you... unless you've been through it yourself, the best imagination in the world cannot help you I've found... so friends and family who haven't personally battled the big C, really have no idea so just have to cut them some slack because they struggle to find the right things to say...  AND if they do say something that annoys you, I think they'd want you to tell them... 🙂


PS:  I hated it when people said that too!



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