Hi, I am new to any type of forums, so feel a bit strange was told by my oncologists receptionist who had cancer years ago and used this as way to talk to people going through the same thing. I have had surgery Oct 2012 and am half way through taking Xeloda tablets at home so I am lucky not to have to go to the oncologist ward, but also do not get to meet people who are feeling the same feelings or side affects, I needed a place to be weak and sad if I needed to be,as I feel being a wife and mother of three young adult children and always known as the strong one in my brothers and sisters (my dad still says she will be fine as she is the strong one) that I always need to be happy and positive all the time, which I do think is important for me to be but its hard when I just need to be sad or angry for a bit:)So I figured if I try this forum I don't want sympathy just understanding that I'm not falling to bits just a bit down 🙂 am I normal or just need to smarten up?:)
I too am new to this forum and I understand your needs. I have had Bowel cancer with mets in my liver. I know xeloda very well. I tollerated it well for the most part but it knocked my feet around alot. I also have kids and the struggle you go through to make things seem "normal". Please don't deny yourself your emotions, crying is sometimes what we need.
When I was 5 days out of my last does of my intraveinous chemo, I woke at 3am and sat in our quiet house by myself feeling very scared and alone(I called this the Dread). I burst into tears when my hubby saw me sitting there. He gave me 2 choices- councillor or girl friends. I choose girlfriends and I have to tell you they gave me lots of hugs and a big dose of tough love. " You don't want this babe, we are here for you so lets look at the positive, its just one more and then its over." It was what I needed, that and the three desserts we shared for lunch because nothing makes you feel better like girlfriends and chocolate cake.
Emo day's will happen, let it out on a loving shoulder and things will be much better.
Stay strong and kick Cancers butt!
Wow thanks so much lush, on reading your reply I was in tears by the end as for the last 4 days my feet have been swollen and blistered and so sore that by you saying that you have the same made me realise I am not weak and its normal to have sore feet. I was feeling a bit silly writing on here but after your words I feel lighter in my self and to give myself a break, I have a great friend that I think I will speak to a little more honest, again thanks so much to take the time to reply:) hope you are doing well and much better now?
I don't know if you have tried much to make your feet feel better but I will let you know what I used. Moo Goo udder cream was my staple I used it constantly with 100% cotton footlets. Cold packs put your feet on top of them. I found with too much water made them go mushy and yuk so there was no putting them in the pool for me. Aleo Vera Gel and mist stored in the fridge for a super cool blast when they are on fire. I slept with the fan on my Gelled up feet while trying to sleep! Stay off anything with lumps bump or ridges. My sister inlaws seagrass hall runner killed me. Soft ballet style slippers were the only footwear I could get on. Now for my NO 1 piece of advice "DON'T PICK" I couldn't do this. I was addicted to the pick. My kids complained of finding bits of mum's feet!
Anytime you want to talk send me message if I can help I would love to. Isolation is just the worst part of the journey as much as our love ones want to get it, they can't until they have taken the tablets twice a day that you know will make you so sick until you can stop taking them and get better.
It's one big head screw(to put it nicely)
Thanks heaps, I used a epson salts warm foot bath last night and that helped but today my very good friend bought me over these slippers that have flaxseed in the bottom and you freeze them or heat them and put spearmint oil on them and they are fantastic because as you said no water involved and just make them feel great.
I am so happy that you are feeling some relief. Always happy to share what worked and didn't. Have a Happy Easter, we are going water skiing for the holidays (yes I can still ski but not like I used to), life does get back to some kind of normal it just depends on how much your not willing to let go of................ keep up the good fight. I will be thinking of you.
I am an oldie here but I can relate to your issues both with feeling a bit odd and the pain in the feet.
As to feeling odd writing here, it may well become the place where you can let go. No one here judges you and everyone 'gets it'.
The crappy days happen. I remember when I was getting myself ready the day before my 0th or 10th round (of 12) chemo treatments.I broke down and cried and told my husbadn that I couldn't do it anymore. I knew what the next 2 weeks were going to be like and I just couldn't face it. He sat me down and told me that I had got this far, I could finish it.
I didn't find this site until after chemo, and I wish that I had found it earlier.
The neuropathy in the hands and feet is awful! i am the 5% for whom it never went completely away, but as I always tell my oncologist, 'I am here to feel the pain! Better than the alternative".
Hope you are feeling a little better.
Thanks Lush have a safe and happy Easter and have a ball skiing, we staying home and enjoying a picnic on the waterfront with about 30 of family so will be lovely and relaxing, and fight I will :)
And thanks also to Samex, I really am feeling great about this forum and feel better each time I write here,I am usually ok with myself and for the last 6 months everyone has said how positive I am and make them feel comfortable about asking questions about cancer.I am doing the "weekend to end womens Cancer" weekend in October and having been so busy fundraising and pushing myself to train to walk 60km in 2 days, that sometimes I forget that my body just wont do what I want as I have not been able to walk at all for the last week and being always sporty and active I have in the past enjoyed pushing myself. I have a team of 11 family members walking with me for support. now I can talk to other people who feel the same way and on reading other peoples troubles I can realise how I am not so different feeling the way I do makes me feel better.
sorry bit of a waffle there but a hundred different thoughts go through my head at once :)
Have a happy and safe Easter and thankyou again on taking the time to reply.
I know the way Samex felt towards the end of chemo ,but when it comes to cancer you do what you have to. I had 48 weekly sessions of 5Fu enhanced every second week with 9 tablets of levamisole ,three a day for three days after chemo. It was a dreadful drug ,it made those who took it feel like death warmed up. It was actually banned for human use two years after I had it because of fatal side effects. At the end of forty weeks my onc gave me the option of not doing any more chemo. He thought that I had enough both physically and mentally. I admit I was stuggling as I had worked thru chemo and I was doing it tough. I thought about it and I felt that If I quit and it came back I would never forgive myself...so I had the forty eight weeks. Did it make any difference? I don't know but I have no regrets.I did what I had too. At the time I had been dxed with a very aggressive stage 3 tumour into six lymph nodes. My surgeon gave me three years at the most based on the aggression and speed it was spreading. I have now been ca free for over fifteen years. That dreadful drug has caused me a lot of long term problem with side effects but I am still alive and still at work at 63. Good luck with your treatment and happy Easter ...Ron.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.