Going it alone....

[#1]

IS there anybody else out there in a similar situation where when diagnosed with cancer that their partner or husband leaves as they are unable to cope with the C word. This has just happened to me and I am finding this difficult to deal with as if the grief is not enough with Cancer I am now dealing with the loss of my partner also. Just thought there might be someone else out there...... Bigmumma

[Sailor]

Hi Bigmumma Fortunately it hasn't happened to me, but it does unfortunately happen a lot. It has just happened to some friends of mine where the husband has a serious cancer that is currently in remission and his wife of thirty years has left him - can't cope with the cancer! Another friend had the same thing happen when he was diagnosed with cancer several years ago. So like you there are left with a double whammy, dealing with the cancer and feeling alone and let down by your partner. I don't know of any statistics but hear a lot of stories similar to yours. Don't be afraid to seek counseling - use the cancer helpline 13 11 20. Don't be afraid to use resources available in the community - local counseling centres, or seeing a psychologist through your GP. Take care Sailor Me howling blasts drive devious, tempest-tossed, / Sails ripped, seams opening wide, and compass lost. William Cowper

[CATS]

Hi bigmumma, this has not happened to me - please please don't think I don't care that you are suffering emotionally- I do care. My story is a little different. The guy I have been seeing for 10 years was the love of my life when we were both 31- that fizzled out after a couple of years then I met up with him again 10 years ago when I had split from my partner of 10 years and had sworn that, after having been a possession for all those years - I was NEVER going to get involved in another relationship EVER - I was adamant!!. Then good old P came back into my life - he is lovely - but the reasons I left him all those years ago (about 22) are still here today!!. He is extremely kind and concerned and unfortunately still loves me after all this time - my feelings for him are the same as when I left him! I feel sorry that I cannot love him, but I just regard him as a dear friend - unbeknown to him. I don't think I am capable of ever falling in love again despite the fact that time is running out!!!. Hopefully you will find this amusing - when I was with idiot number 2 (husband was no.1)I had already been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I was having an attack of optic neuritis - couldn't focus or see properly and the nutcase said to me "don't look at me like that- I don't like it"!!! Episode number 2 with him - we visited his niece who had recently had a baby - (I was ok at this time)- his bloody mother didn't want me to hold the baby incase I gave it MS!!!!he agreed!! I hope you got a laugh out of those reminiscences and once again I am sorry your partner has left - typical - great timing!! Look after yourself and don't forget (yeah as if) you are going to be a GRANNY!!!!!!

[thaker]

Hi Bigmumma I know its not quite the same but I found that when my hubby was diagnosed, we lost some of our friends and even family members. From what I have read here, that's quite common. Those who can cope stay on and are there for you whenever you need them but those who cant deal with the "C" word leave quite early in the scheme of things. Its a massive let down and feels like a betrayal but you need to focus on the positives and not let the negatives affect your recovery. On our journey I was fortunate to meet some very wonderful people. I wish you all the best in your battle. Sangeeta

[#5]

Hi there bigmumma, Well if ask me the whole situation "sucks!" It hasn't happened to me but happened to my best friend 12 years ago when she was diagnosed with stomach cancer. It was all too much for her hubby so he left only to return once she had finished treatment & had been in remission for a few months. Unfortunately about 18mths later the dreaded disease reared it's ugly head again & "HE" was so angry & fed up! It was almost like it was all her fault it came back & she needed more treatment. His attitude was devastating to me but she coped & seemed to gain more strength from her kids, family & close friends around her. When i look back now at how she coped i'm absolutely amazed at how she got through cos now that i've had cancer & treatment myself i realize even more just how hurt she must've been at the time. Like the others said bigmumma it is a massive let down & betrayal but please don't let this affect your recovery. Ring the cancer council for more support or just someone to talk to if you feel the need & vent your emotions, no matter what they are, on this site as often as you want cos you will always have ongoing support. Stay strong & focus on yourself, Hugs Mez:)

[#6]

thanks to all 4 your kind and inspiring stories.its all just a time thing i guess but like some of us.....thats something that we dont have alot of maybe !!!??thanks again guys bigmumma x