Lied to mother re health

[GHT]

Hi there It has been first time since I saw my mother post diagnosis and had to lie to her face that my test results were fine. That and meeting her in choc shop/ cafe in city and I am pretty damn anxious. She said how nice it was to see each other when we are both well! Why am I not telling her? Coz my bro thinks she is too old (78) and that she will tell my sister who will drive me potty with insincere concern. She is usually very rude to me. I have to wait 2 more mths to see if hormone therapy works. If not I will have to have radiation. Hmm think she might notice if I have that treatment.

[Paulpwtierney]

I have Obsessive Compulsive Telling Everyone Disorder. All they have to do is say someone like are you on holidays or are you well or even how are you and I blurt it out. I even told the School Crossing Lady. I find it therapeutic. Maybe I am not strong enough to carry the weight on my own. I will be on radiology and chemo soon ( I have a number 3 ) so I am concerned about my hair falling out. Maybe I will wear a cap. I wonder if there are cancer caps saying funny things. Good luck with your treatment.

[GHT]

I think it must be liberating to feel free to tell people and not about strength to carry it on ones own. I like your idea about caps saying funny things. A sense of humour is a must with cancer. Unfortunately my family are highly dysfunctional and their responses may be highly stressful to me so it is a question of self protection that I haven't told them. Also my oldest friend has not reacted as supportively as her general character would suggest she would have. Unfortunately hard truths about life are not always welcomed even by ppl you expect to be ok. I wish you well with your treatment and am glad you are getting support. I do have 2 friends who are nurses and they are Ab Fab so am lucky there.

[#4]

Hi GHT, I think you're doing the right thing, witholding the information about your health, knowing that if you did share your news with your Mum there would be even more stress to deal with. This is stress you just dont need right now (or ever), you need to concentrate on yourself and getting better, not having to deal with someone elses crap! Its a wise decision, but also a hard one too, but call it self preservation! Perhaps your good friend is totally shocked by your diagnosis and not sure how to be. If she's never had an experience with cancer maybe she's just lost for words and feeling a bit awkward, so instead she says nothing...but nothing hurts, hurting both of you in the end and your long friendship. Go for a coffee and have a real open and honest chat, explain to her how your feeling, she'll probably be so relieved to have had you open up to her, that she'll too explain why she's been a bit distant lately. My Dad has pancreatic pancer which is terminal, and while we've known about it for over a month now, I havent told many people about the sad news. I think I want to deal with it myself first, so then I can face all those concerned faces out there, that right now I can't face.

[GHT]

Dear Starfishgalaxy I am sorry to hear about your dad. I hope you get to have special time with him during his treatment. It is hard to know who to tell as you never know how they will react and you are hurting so want to self protect. I ended up telling my mum once surgery became unavoidable. She visited briefly in hospital (20 mins) but she hasn't called since to see how I am recovering so my vain hope she would summon some motherly concern proved I was right that she doesn't really care. As for my friend, she isn't even responding to emails. I am hanging on desparately to the hope she will want to remain friends but sometimes I can feel my heart start to break. This year has been all about cancer and the fear of heart break. I am very pi&&ed off with life. Best wishes GHT