It may not seem like it but treatment is progressing. My psychologist used to like drawing a road when I came in and drawing my attention to the next " house " that I was to stop at. It didn't seem to help much at the time but in hindsight now I realise that I was progressing. Albeit in a somewhat vegetative state at times. It is now nearly a year post treatment and last week I allowed myself to utter those words " I beat cancer. " I realise that we can be hard on ourselves during treatment rather than kind to ourselves. We are going through an extremely difficult time and feeling very poorly is only to be expected. It also sounds like you might not realise this but you are meeting your own definition of amazing. You are helping with the PEG and meds and probably other things you don't even think of. You are coping. This is no small mean feat. I don't know how to say this but where you are now sounds pretty normal to me. My suggestion is just to try acting normal around him and have normal conversations. It might not seem like it but he can start to lose too much contact. I hope he has friends and colleagues who are ringing him with stories of people that they both know. I hope he can still laugh. ... View more

Sounds like me. No energy for a long time and " intimacy " is draining but does signal a return to some kind of normality. Yes , when the patient comes out the other side a new pattern will emerge and I suppose both people need to realise this. I also was fortunate that some work colleagues texted me from time to time with humourous stories about the workplace and people we knew. It is too easy to lose touch altogether with reality. ... View more

Hello , I thought I would pass on some information from the male point of view. During my treatment I was not capable of anything let alone intimacy. At the conclusion and during recovery I noticed that a 30 kg weight loss had resulted in a new body. One so thin that it creates a sense almost of shame. Fortunately my wife was understanding and never complained and just accepted the new reality. I don't know that there is much else that anyone can do. Physically intimacy was not possible. I suppose if it happened the other way and it was my wife who was ill I would hope that I could have the same level of understanding that she had. ... View more

Hello , I am not normally a fan of Robyn Williams but I was watching Patch Adams the other day and something he said made sense. He said that we are all dying a little every day. Therefore all anyone really has is today and everything else is illusion. Make the most of what you have today because there is nothing else. This makes particular sense to me as I now live from six month check up to the next six month check up. Worst case scenario , I could be dead in 2 years. However all this is meaningless really as I am alive today. This took me a while to understand and sometimes I think I may be a better person for knowing this. I agree that your husband may recover. Coming to terms with your own mortality is a challenge. I am watching my 1 1/2 year old daughter playing while I am writing this. Death is part of life. I hope this helps a little. ... View more

Hello , I was T4 from memory which was from not from smoking , 70 - 80 % chance of survival although most survive throat cancer even from smoking. There are too many scenarios to be concerned about. The only one that matters is you and what is actually happening. I met many other patients in worse cases than me and as I also have anxiety I just had to block them out. Just use the time now to organise the practical matters like transport to the hospital and stocking up on food etc. Once it starts you just need to keep on top of feeding the PEG and medication. Further in you need to help with showering and dressing. I got really cold and started shaking sometimes. Keep a towel near the bed for vomiting once chemo kicks in. Try to stay positive. E.g - only 10 more treatments , this will pass. Encourage drinking a little water . The patient will of course not be a happy chappy and towards the end family support is good. If possible you need to get a grip and be the strong one. Feel free to post anything you like here. My motto was this will pass and it has. ... View more

Thanks , I don't want to define myself now as a " cancer survivor " and would rather this episode just faded away. I realise though that it won't and I just need to get comfortable with the new me. Final step now is to " come down " off the anti anxiety medication which will be interesting. I wish everyone here the best and my final advice would definitely be - don't give up. ... View more

For me the answer to living with fear is to live more in the moment. What you fear has not happened , may not happen and lies in the unknown future. If you examine happiness in third world countries you find that people have more of an acceptance of their lot and live in the moment of being with their family and having the minimum. If we examine the current moment , we are alive and have enough to be happy so tomorrow is another day and if we are lucky enough to wake up to that day we can focus on that day then. ... View more