Newbie here - how to overcome fear and self-pity

[Jenxki]

I'm 47 and was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer 2 months ago. I've just completed my 3rd chemo. I have 2 lovely boys: 18 and 12. Recently my chest started to hurt more and it really scares me. I've been reading and meditating trying to find ways to "live in the moment" and "make the out of it" and "create the future now". But the fear keeps creeping back. Is there a way to overcome this fear and stop me from feeling sorry for myself?

[Mystik73]

Hi there I dont have answers either its hard isnt it ? I myself dont have cancer, ive been a family carer to those who have. Just know that if u need to talk about anything im good at listening, sometimes all it takes is a friend . Take care Mystik73

[Jenxki]

Thanks for the warm and kind words, Mystik73. They did make me cry but feel heaps better at the same time.

[Mystik73]

You are more than welcome my friend, life takes us all down unexpected roads at times , that journey is best travelled with someone rather than alone . And Alone you are not even though you may feel so at times . Im here for a chat laugh cry whine moan or groan sometimes its all it takes to see the light at the end of the dark road. Mystik73

[jobeth]

I feel your I pain. You are losing so much, how can you not feel self pity? My husband suffered with this right till the end. I hated knowing how scared and angry he was when there was nothing I could do to take the fear away. He would shower when the fear became so palpable that he couldn't function somehow the water helped. He would also put his radio on with head phones to distract himself. In the final months I took him for acupuncture. He was a sceptic but when he realised it actually worked he looked forward to those sessions. He had an antidepressant drug as well, this helped a little with his mood. One day, just weeks before he died, he threw this wobbly. He was stamping his feet and yelling, "it's so unfair, I have lost so much" I yelled back, "I know. What you have to deal with is awful and you are not alone. Look at what I am losing. The greatest love of my life. I am 45, I am too young to be a widow. I have so much life ahead of me and now I have to face it alone. And, that is after I will watch you take your final breath." You are in my thoughts. Be strong.

[Rubes1984]

Hi and welcome, I too have stage 4 lung cancer and can relate to ur fear, anxiety and pain. Pls talk wth ur treating team about ur concerns and pain - they prob will have some ideas. I'm not sure of ur treatment for chemo - I had 2 types carboplatin and germocitin (im guessing on the spellings). Chemo often makes u fatigued and short of breath so it may be that..... During chemo I had back pain, chest pain, kidney pain and pain under my rib cage. I was prescribed oxycontin to assist with pain from my oncologist. Stage 4 doesn't mean the worst case - I'm still here 14mths on. So don't give up hope, think positive when u can, laugh, live and love :) What works varies for individuals - I spent time in fresh air, did meditation and deep breathing, laughed, cried and sometimes just worried. best wishes , Rubes

[Jenxki]

Hi jobeth, I can not begin to comprehend your loss... Be strong and stay positive. I'm thinking of you.

[Jenxki]

Hi Rubes, I'm on Carboplatin and Etoposide. I told my oncologist about my chest pain after the first chemo round, he said "it's just cancer". I do have back pain and pains under my rib cage. So far I find the heat pack quite soothing. I also talk to my cancer cells inside my head when applying the heat pack, I say something like "There, there, I know you're hurting, you're all my poor babies." It may sound ridiculous, but I read it from a few Asian doctors that we should communicate with all our cells (eg thank the healthy ones). But I might've taken it to an extreme as last night I found myself threatening the cancer cells, "If you kill me, you'll die too! So let's just make peace!" I hope I'm not going crazy haha. I've been given less than 12 months, which is an over estimate if my scan shows no change or worse after the 4th cycle. But I'll try to stay positive, like you. Thanks. Jen

[casper]

Hi Jen I would change oncologists! Mine said something along the lines of "so when it comes back, there is not a lot we can do for you" and I lost it. Fortunately I am being managed by a beautiful gyno oncologist now,who has a much friendlier bedside manner. Chemo is hard, there are days when you don't want to do anything, so don't. Try everything you can, I like your approach of talking to the cells - I might just take that one up. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers. Casper

[Jenxki]

Thank you for your thoughts, Casper. I'm trying all I can to "prepare for the worst and hope for the best" with the top priority of taking good care of my body, mind, and spirit - eat healthy, exercise (gentle or just walking), meditation - everything I never did before cancer. In the meantime I'm trying to enjoy each moment that I still have. Life is so precious... :-) I'm sending you also positive energy and prayers. Jen