being undersold

[glenys48woods]

people who undersell people who hasn't had cancer don't know what they are chatting about and I don't know how to handle it. Will you help me please? I have my own mother (and sisters not interested) in WA telling me last year to shut up and she said it 3 times to me while visiting her over a month. What does this sound to you? Friends are the same to me who haven't had breast cancer. Glenys

[wombat4]

The people who have not been directly affected by cancer, either as a sufferer or a carer, cannot even begin to understand what it is like. They cannot imagine what it is like to stare into the big black hole, where there was one a future and plans and dreams. They just do not like talking about it. And your mother telling you to shut up about, was her way of telling you she has difficulty in realising what is happening to you. It opens up our vunerability and give us emotions that we have never had to deal with in the past. In some cases we are people to avoid It make us think that we cannot cope, and if we shut our eyes to it, and dont talk about it, well then it may just go away. Some people cannot handle it, because it brings our mortality to front and centre and we have never had to deal with anything as confronting. Wombat4

[glenys48woods]

Hi Wombat, Thanking you for your reply to me as it is so good for you to reply. It has put me into a situation of justifcation of how I feel and you are a darling to reply to me. I agree with it %100 or more but it is hard to deal with it. My husband has read it but can't understand it. He has prostate cancer and diabeties so will he understand me where he has had no surgery like me. Thanks again as I know anyone will help me on this wonderful web site. This is my tool to ask and I know I'll get a reply as all of you are so very nice people. Glenys.

[glenys48woods]

Hi Wombat, Then I feel that where I can't get the surgery off my mind as it is strongly on my mind how do I cope with that please. I recent the part that where I went through the surgery and we all didn't deserve it. I have the medical procedures on my mind a lot. Glenys x0

[wombat4]

Glenys, It is difficult, but try if you can, focus on the positives and try not to be too stressed about the surgery. None of us deserve this Glenys. When cancer touches a loved one, it is like all the family get it. Try to calm your mind, focus on the things that bring nice memories, meditation is a way to calm your mind and body, it takes a bit of practice, but it can be done. Think of all the things you will want to do when this is over, and it is just a memory, an unpleasant one, but a memory just the same Sufferers and carers move into a different phase of their lives, they leave the pre cancer days behind to focus on this new challenge. wombat4

[glenys48woods]

Hi Wombat, Thanking you so much to what you have said to me. You are right as I do dwell on the surgery too much and it makes me cry. I cried and then fell asleep. When does it leave us to have a pleasent time in our lives? I feel good tonight as I have just rested on the lounge chair and dosed off for abour 3 hours this afternoon. How do we focus on a new challenge after surgery that I had 16 months ago. What cancer have you resisted and what kind of surgery too? Glenys

[wombat4]

It wasnt me that had the cancer Glenys, it was my wife and soul mate of 40yrs. I was her carer for 2yrs while she battled colorectal cancer. She died 21/12/11. My wife died, it is the carers, the loved ones that endure the never ending pain of the legacy of this insidious disease. Life is not as precious as it used to be. wombat4

[SILLY]

I imagine that some of us don't understand what it's like to have any other illness of which we have no experience .We only know what it's like to have cancer if we have had it .We only know what it's like to be the carer for a person with cancer,if we have been a carer of a person with cancer.

[glenys48woods]

I am sorry wombat as I have been married for 38 years and my husband has cancer and it's coming up to 40 years for us too. Let me extend my sympathy to you and the family. You all must miss her a lot. yes it is the pain that we all feel when a loved passes away and it must be so personally cruel for you. She been gone for 3 months now and there is a lot of grief. Hope you have family and friends close by and I hope I can be there for you too as I would love to be. It is so good for you to help me out with the grief that you feel wombat. Thanking you so much. Glenys.

[wombat4]

Thank you for your kind words Glenys. You certainly have not been dealt with a good hand of cards with your husband also having cancer. The fact that you have come to this site to express how you feel and to get support will make you feel better and make you stronger to deal with what lies ahead. It is only people with this rat bag of a disease and their carers as well as the medical professionals, will mention cancer. The rest of the world are frightened even of the word and pretends it dosnt exist, it isnt for them. Until its is. Then their support and opinions change. Overnight. Take care wombat4