Lack of support from family members

[Tiff123]

I wonder how common it is but I find some family members to be far less supportive and empathetic than I had expected. There are supportive words and there were offers of help when I went through treatment, some which I am extremely grateful for being followed through.

It doesn't help that I am not good at asking for help but help isn't always about doing stuff, in my opinion it's about showing up sometimes just to be company or calling to check in. I didn't think I'd need to ask for that, I thought that would happen naturally.

I found as time went on certain family members didn't even bother to check in for the purpose of asking about how I was going or whats happening thus far, I feel like when I bring up my cancer or treatment the empathy is lacking, sort of like they're not really invested in listening or learning to how this has affected me. I get the sense that some of them want to avoid the topic because it may upset them. 

When others have mentioned or compared my cancer to someone elses, especially those that are worse, even though they meant well in a positive way, it was offensive to me because I felt like they were invalidating and undermining my personal experience. If they took the time to listen they would understand the complexity and that there are so many factors within each individuals journey.

I am a very positive person so I don't complain constantly and I try to be optimistic, it's not like I'm constantly trying to talk about my illness and shove it down everyones throat. Me being positive doesn't mean that I don't need support or have bad days. Sigh.

I hope that if one of my family members gets a serious illness that I can do better than some of them have because I wouldn't want them to feel as lonely as some of them have made me feel

[Anonymous]

Hi @Tiff123, 

It sounds so challenging what you're experiencing right now with the lack of support from your family members and friends. 

It can be such a challenging time navigating both the disease and how it impacts all areas of your life. 

If you're located in Australia, please feel free to contact Cancer Council for information and support on 13 11 20. 

Perhaps some other group members could share how they navigated a lack of support from family?

Take care, 

Felicity

[CrissyH]

Hi 👋
I'm here too,
I'm hearing you, and listening!
I'm less fortunate, I have not the luxury of friends nor family. I have The amazing world of Cancer Network, and I was told to try this on line forum .
And wanted to say 👋 .
Cheers
Crissy

[Tiff123]

I am sorry to hear that you have no friends or family to support you. I glad that you have this way to get support. All the best 🙏

[Robyn66]

I hear you. And I feel the same. Cancer is cancer. It’s awful and insidious. I have no family support except for my mother who is in a nursing home. 

[jess18]

Unfortunately it is very common. I have spoken to many cancer nurses and doctors, all who have stated that it is very common for family and friends to distance themselves or leave completely. 

cancer affects everyone in different ways and unfortunately some people are not able to cope. 

I myself have had my partner (father of my 5 month old daughter) decide to take off and he is “not sure” where our relationship is. Unfortunately my cancer was not something he had the capacity to cope with. 

It is really really hard and I’m very sorry you are experiencing this. Focus on those who are there for you and focus on your health, that is all you can do

[Felicity_CCNSW]

Hi @jess18 , 

I am so sorry you've experienced this when you were newly diagnosed and looking after a baby. 

This community is very supportive, and its so good you've shared your experience, and I'm sure there are others that can share their experiences as well. 

If you feel that you would like extra support and you're in Australia, please reach out to us at Cancer Council on 13 11 20. This page may also be helpful on emotions and cancer. 

Sending our best wishes, 

Felicity (CCNSW Supportive Care) 

[Cindi54]

Hi @Tiff123 ,

I'm so sorry, and I understand completely.

Last year I had breast cancer and this year I have another cancer, bladder cancer, I have a sister but I noticed she has distanced herself from me, she will answer texts but just briefly saying something like " you can do this, just listen to your body" .... that's it.

I know how you feel, would be nice to have a little more wouldn't it.

I think they are scared, can't face it, I really do think it's just that.

I'm lucky I have a husband who "tries" to be my brick, he's not that great at it but I realise he does his best to support me and a cousin who is a sweet heart.

I don't know if anyone really knows how to approach our cancers to give support except for others going through the same thing, that's why these forums are so great I find.

Your relatives still love you they just don't know how to approach the big C subject.

A gentle cuddle is sometimes worth SO MUCH isn't it.

Sending you a big virtual cuddle

Cindi xx💖