Living Life Alone post cancer

[JoCee]

I’m a survivor now (thank God)  and I’m very grateful for my second chance at life. However, things that I never thought about before or during cancer are never far from my mind these days. It can be a lonely life for some I guess.  

Sex (actual intercourse) is very painful for me now.  I don’t produce much, if any, estrogen these days so that just adds to the problem.  However, I still miss being in a relationship.  Very much in fact. I still crave intimacy and companionship (kissing, foreplay, cuddling, etc) but when actual intercourse is so painful- how do you find someone to build a relationship with?  It’s not like it’s an easy topic to bring up when “dating”.  Especially in this day and age when people are jumping into bed after just a date or two.  

so, I’ve been single now for a decade. I’ve had some dates and even some “encounters” with an old “friend” but I want more.  I want a relationship and a life that I can build with someone.  I’m tired of the questions from people about why I don’t date. I’m tired of my mother worrying about me being alone for the rest of my life.  I’ve always been the one who never had to worry about not having a date for a special occasion.  I had a healthy sex and intimate life and have even been married before and engaged as well to another person after my marriage ended.  

I’m young still (47) and the thought of living a life of solitude forever is not something I want to experience.  I have big dreams and try to find the positive in things just like I’m doing here.  At least I’m alive and I’m grateful for that.   There were many times I almost didn’t make it and the fact that I did is a miracle in and of itself.  So maybe I’ll find another miracle one day and not have to journey through this life single forever.  I have a lot of love to give and am not willing to give up just yet.  

[kj]

Hi JoCee

Having your dreams is a good thing ,you are a cancer survivor  a great positive,and who knows what the future can bring or what lies around the corner ,hopefully you find what you are looking for in a person and life, yes you are still young with time to find the relationship wanted good luck.

[JohnCP]

I understand your problem with intimacy and there  are some very straightforward options you can try.

Have you tried using a generous amount of a lubricant such as KY Gell. It is watermarked and recommended by chemists.

Another option is to use a good quality water based massage oil

 It can be used to start with during foreplay and then as part of foreplay lead down to your clitoris and vaginal passage. This will add a new dimension to your intimacy. 

[Pamiee]

I think we all feel that way, we fought cancer , but lost my partner as it affected our sex life, it feels alone and sometimes all you need is someone right beside you. I have been looking for dating apps but had no luck. 

[kj]

I have survived  pancreatic cancer but in May this year my wife  of 57 years who had Parkinson’s passed away due to complications after choking on food and CPR  ,it was very unexpected and four days later she passed away it was her decision to have the oxygen mask taken off, as she was deteriorating badly and nothing more medical could be done, she had a DNR .

I am now experiencing grief due to the loss of my best friend and love of my wife,I am fortunate my daughter sold up and moved in to help during my illness.

Life won’t be the same ,I now focus on my daughter,grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren.also friends who have supported me.

Loneliness can be a strong emotion without a loved one as I am finding out

I will be forever grateful to have been given an extra 14 years to spend with my wife and be her career.

[Pamiee]

So sorry to hear about your wife, having survived this cancer and suffering loss of friend and partner can be so hard. I did not have such partner who supported me in my journey or any relatives so I can only imagine loosing someone so dear to you can be so painful.

I pray for all the strength to endure pain and get all the support you need. Feeling alone is the worst feeling that I am aware of.

[kj]

Hi Pamiee 

Thank you for your kind words ,thoughts and prayer.

kj

[Ashley_ccnsw]

Hi KJ,

That is so heartbreaking to read. I'm so sorry to hear about your wife. It would be such a hard time for you right now. If you need some emotional support during this time, please reach out to us on out 13 11 20 line and we can organise a referral to our counselling service if you need it.

Thinking of you,

Ashley

CCNSW

[kj]

Hi Ashley

Thanks for taking the time to contact me,it is a difficult time,I’m fortunate my family and friends are there for me,if I feel down the track,I need more emotional support I will contact the number provided.

I appreciate your thoughts thanks.

KJ