Dear luvmymum,
Your message really touched me - your log on name says it all and you clearly care very deeply for her. My heart goes out to you at what must be a very difficult time for you and your family especially as your Mum has lost her voice at the momemt. But remember a hug or touch is better than a thousand words!!. Your Mum knows that you love her and are there to support her. Being scared is completely normal and I wouldn't be surprised if you are also feeling as mad as hell too!. But yes, things are not going to be normal again and you and your family will be adapting to a new different "reality" than you had before you Mum's diagnosis. Once the shock of the initial diagnosis has receded a little, you will find that the treatments your Mum will have will give you all some structure to your lives, which will effect everyone. I think my hubby and son and my family overseas all found it very useful to have this as it really helps to have small milestones to work towards.
Since our cancer journey started 4 months ago we have had 2 operations and 3 rounds of chemo with the 4th starting today. It is amazing how you get used to things. I don't know how old you are, but with my 17 yr old son (who dosen't say much at the best of times!!)we found that just being together walking the dog helped us to connect somehow. Sometimes we talk and sometimes we don't but just the togetherness gives us both comfort and is the most important thing. He has his TCE exams now and has found talking to his closest friends at school invalauble. One thing you can be sure of though, is that your Mum will want you to have your own space and not to feel guilty for wanting to have time out with your friends or just to be on your own if that helps. Your Mum will also be able to communicate with you what her needs are so take cues from Mum as to what she wants and how you can best support her - don't be afraid to ask her - she's your Mum and she loves you.
My best wishes to your family and hugs to you as you start your journey. If you just need someone to vent to, please just vent away!!. I normally try to look at my emails daily subject to whether my PC wants to work or not and effects of chemo cycles!!.
Take care. I have added you as a friend.
Caroline x