Not coping as well as I'd hoped

[Deputy]

Hello. I was diagnosed on the 19th of October with Hodgkin’s Disease (stage 2A) and started chemo last Monday. I’ve been very positive about the diagnosis, especially around my family. I know I’m supremely fortunate to have such a positive prognosis but most of them are extremely freaked out because my best mate actually had the same cancer several years ago and passed away from it. I am truly optimistic about my likelihood of recovery and I’ve been doing my best to keep a smile on my face, but my first chemo hit me a lot harder than I was expecting. At first I just felt shaky and a bit nauseous but six days later I’ve got mouth ulcers, no appetite, and I’m ACHING all over. So badly. Everything hurts. All I want to do is to curl up and sleep (which I have been doing a lot of) but even a twenty minute trip to the shop completely wiped me. I’ve been taking care of myself, eating even though I’m not hungry, drinking a lot, sleeping when I need to, exercising lightly with my dog, but I’m just so sore and feel utterly miserable. I don’t really have anyone I can complain to about this because they really haven’t dealt wonderfully with the diagnosis and the few who have have so much going on in their life I don’t want to just be complaining that I feel like I have a nasty flu. I also know the side-effects will likely get worse (unless my onc can fix me up, god willing) but I guess I just wasn’t as prepared as I expected. I thought the first chemo at least would ease me into it, I suppose. I can’t decide if I was naive or optimistic in hoping that. I hope you don’t mind me ranting. I just feel awful and am really nervous now about how much worse subsequent chemos will be if this is the first one. I just feel like such a sook when I know how much worse others have it and since this is only my first chemo but I just can't shake feeling so bloody awful.

[Maureenf]

Hi Deputy, I can soooo understand how you must feel, just been through two weeks of radiation and start dow the chemo road shortly, dreading it, the side effects sound horrible but what choice do we have? Good luck, thinking of you, hang in there, probably get better as you continue!

[lawman]

Hey Deputy, Just a line to say I'm wishing you well. I'm new here, and yours is the first post I've read. Special thoughts to you. A speedy ride over gthe bumps. Best to you...

[Anna1983]

Hi lovely, I just wanted to tell you that I'm thinking of you and I hope you are getting the support you need! You are extremely brave facing the cards you have been dealt. One day at a time, be kind to yourself and surround yourself with the people who make you feel good! BIGLOVE!

[topenddownunder]

Gday Deputy...Hang in there mate..it may not be an easy road, but slowly you can work your way through some of the side effects and ease them.Ive been on a few different Chemo`s now, and they all have their own unique side effects,and there are things to help the physical/and emotional sides of things. Dont forget to hound your Oncologist/Nurse/Health care worker...or even talk to the nurses at Cancer Council.I have found some remidies can be eased with Drugs, and some with everyday ingredients (such as gargling with warm water and salt/or BiCarb ..the one without aliminium) to relieve mouth ulcers etc..and dont forget to post here if you need a shoulder to lean on..... Greg

[Mrs.B]

Hi Deputy, I think that you are extremely brave and it's absolutely OK to complain under the circumstances. It's ok to not be strong all the time. What has happened to you absolutely sucks! So if you need to complain and you can't do it around family then this is the place to do it. I am sending you good energy and hope that you are doing well. God Bless you